Overall:
The topic wasnt too original, but hey not many are. You guys didnt run off the topic and stayed on key so that was good. The hook was cool. Overall it was a nice story but just decent lyrics.

Flow:
The flow of your piece didnt help out my overall feel for it. Many lines were stretched and it messed up the enjoyment and smoothness of the read. Some lines didn't rhyme so perfectly like the back track and massive bar. So the flow wasnt a plus in this piece.

Imagery:
The imagery was very faint. Try to work on using better descriptions and metaphores in your OM's. This will help it be more enjoyable and make it stand out from the decent OM's and the great OM's.

The Hook:
The hook was probably my favorite part of this piece. It flowed perfectly. It had deep emotion. It was the prefect hook for the topic you did. This helped your piece alot in my mind.

Emotion:
The hook is what had the most emotion in your entire piece. Both of your verse's stayed on topic but didnt express the lyrical emotion that was needed to be a great piece. Imagery helps the emotion of your lyrics. So keep working on that.

In my eyes this was just a so-so piece with potential to be a great. Keep working on OM's and you'll improve. Peace

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