Originally Posted by C.A.L.I

ok dont know who this got stickey personal its not good its mediocre to say the least why i will explain.....................
the freeverse form is done only for one reason and one reason only and that is to give yourself the abilty to use more emotion outside the boundarys of ending words that have a rhyme to them now you failed to do this.you used the freeverse fomr but failed to really bring any emotion at all accross to your words also a weak vocabalry hurt you as well.the topic is good and could have been done much better the ending was good cuz it was unexpected by myself as well as by most others which is good that makes people wanna read your work surprises are good in poetry it keeps the personas intrest in your work but you also have to make a more solid piece.basically use better vocab more emotion is also most imposrtant and dont be so straight forward in poetry that is never good regardless to what anyone may tell you poetry is meant to tantalize the soul and be evasive to the mind to make people think not too hard but just enough to stimulate them.this is ok not trash but far but neither good nor great neither you have potential sun just work on what i say only practice can make a great poet.......