link,^^^^^^^^^, i will edit in feedback...ax..lol
(this is what i mean)
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heres a tip, you can edit your post,...like i just did...
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break down..
I make the movement, make the call, make army rise
join my world, if you wanna stay alive take my advice
^^use of multis would help your flow out alot
Be careful, there's only one chance, u gotta be wise
only one team will rule, only one will get the last slice
^^worded funny, try to make it fluent...easy to spit
pick up your guns, c'mon get up nigga don't fall
load that nine, nigga now get ready to rock n' roll
^^forced rhyme scheme.....right here............^^
Known California to Miami, Rule Nevada to New York
this ain't nuttin old, these is a brand new work
^^syllable counts a lil off on this 2nd line
no math knowledge, no Napoleon or Revolutions shit
this is only rhyme, flow, structure and arrange ur spit
^^hmm, choppy bars, it doesnt flow well
I know, I know, I've always gotta miss sumthin
cuz niggaz on here think they da only ones stuntin
^^??..ok,......stunt=bad...you just dissed yaself?
I'm the start of a new hip hop culture generation
we all prisioners in this city, is time for liberation
^^should work on your punctuation,
I still don't think wazzup with my life, fuck it
get high, fuck bitches, drop in sites, get lucky
^^way forced ryhme but it flowed ok...
I now can imagine a bran new bling bling, mine's fake
30 dollars right outside of Disneyland, piece of cake
^^lol,....really, i still dont kno why ya dissin yaself ax
I don't know my style, fuck bitches I only care bout 24's
maybe later I'll be changin and I'll be likin hoes(whores)
^^just put that in there.,ulternate wording can help your
ryhme scheme and flow out, good example right there^
Escalade, money, bling bling I want it all like warren G
I'm a fuckin bad influence, anyway gorw to be like me
^^not a good closer, it had no real content, but sa'll good
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your elevated a little since ya last drop i left feed on....
your structures gotten better, as has your vocab..
but your still not putting good content in your verses
get away from the gun shit n gangsta crap, get creative
with ya material....you miost definately havta work on
your punctuation within a verse...its a key element
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no hate but this was wrote like a 12 year old british kid
just learning punctuation.......if your are 12 n brit
and just learning punctuation....my bad, wasnt tryin to hate...pz
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