Overall i would rate this as ...Nicely Sketched...

Yeah it seemed as though you were implementing that of poetry and rap yet you couldnt quite mix the two properly...

The outcome was overall okay, it was in fact sketchy to me, the rhymes didnt flow so well, it would seem as though you were trying to do a bit of poetry like i said but maybe a bit too much for this particular peice...

it was good in other aspects... the story was nice, i did enjoy the read, the theme was well set the idea around the clock was pretty awesome... it was your flow i think that killed it for me, it was dead in the beggining pretty much and got better as i read....

one thing i noticed though..

"Everyone was dancin with death like crip walkin with demons"

I've heard this in another one of yours...?

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