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Old 05-31-05, 11:13 PM   #9
Mentalz
The Topical Juggernaut
 
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Posts: 885
From: The Write Side of The Brain
IP:

Legend: To me your rhyme scheme had it's own touch.. they all did, but I felt yours was more set apart from the others. Your verse seemed calmer & more relaxed. I liked that. Although it did feel as if the flow slipped toward the middle of your verse (to me anyway) though it might have just been the way I was reading it, who knows. I also noticed you mixed up your vocab. (wasn’t flooded with multies and big words.. I tend to get carried away with that Hah), made it simply easier to read. Excellent piece man, keep it up.

Atticus: Loved the vocab. in your piece. Didn’t care for the redundant plot, but fuck it you did it justice. The best past in your verse for me was your flow (and some what your emotion) I didn’t care for the large dialog of the mother, but it wouldn’t have worked without it, great job my Chryme.

Rev: I might say I liked your verse the best. The main reason being the Flow. Your piece was very nearly fluid, loved it. I liked your sense of reality, you portrayed that very well. I felt you ended a little weak though, however it might just be the way I thought you MIGHT have been going when I started and wasn’t expecting that outcome. Nicely done.

Overall: 8.5/10 Great collab, you three wrote well together keep it up. hope to see more. Peace.

RTF.
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