OK...

Flow-Was nice at certain points...but turned choppy at times.I think the rhyme scheme you got there is a good start.But the multis you got are basic.But... a basic multi rhyme sheme is still better than one sllyables rhyme scheme.I think with a little work..your flow will get better.

Content-Not to sound harsh..but most of it was a lil boring man.I think you need some interesting things.The only part that got me awake was from "news reportes suck blood" line to the end.I like the vocab...so keep it up in that catergory.So all in all...your content could use a little pizz-azz...or interesting shit.Metaphors and vocab are good when used right...but can make your verse boring if used wrong.

SO..work on improving multis and just making your verse more interesting.

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=203668
^^If you don't mind voting...I mean...I took time to read your work.