hmm well you have a very good stucture, pretty good flow yea i'd say you have a very good flow, nice emotions, good imagery, but some what it just seems plain to me for some reason i dont know why but it just does, maybe add some vocabulary like some more interesting words not so much dont fill it but next time you write somin try n add at least a little more. anyway it wasn't bad pretty good actually.

think you could rtf on my new A World With No Water

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