This is a prety cool OM. You prolly can do better... as you said this is an older one...

Now your hook is iight at best. I do beleive that you need to work on that definately for song writing. You used simple rhymes... no word play... it was just pretty damn lame man. That's the first thing I read and initially was turned off by it. sorry.

Your first verse... I thought it had a really good flow... You could have done some better with multis and rhyming... but hey... it's your style. Don't let me tell you how to write. It was kinda played out as well... but It was something I would listen to on a CD.

Second verse... I really liked. It had it's uniqueness to your Sacramento style... so there's nothing I can really tell you about that verse other than it was enjoyable.

Third verse. I didn't care for. Really it flowed kinda iffy at parts. It just didn't seem right, I can't really put a finger on what exactly it is that's wrong with it... Sorry. But sometimes... shit just isn't right.

I thought it was all in all a decent track. Just take heed to what I told you and work with it... you'll get it down.

6/10...

rtf http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=213185

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