Overall? Nicely done. However A few things I felt held you back was word placement and punctuation. Without those two burdens I think your piece would have really been alot better.
Now, the topic play was pretty good. vocab wasnt overdone or misused by any means. The emotion aspect was easily located and portrayed nicely. Longer may have been better, however I know not having a keyboard hinders that a bit.
Nice, solid PS drop Lola, keep it up lovely.
