I thought this was good, the concept was cool a good original story.
Story pieces are the hardest to write cause you gotta keep the story fluent so the reader doesnt get bored so i think you did a real good job with the story.
The vocab was perfect for the piece it wasnt too complex so the piece was easy to follow and understand. You told it from a few perspectives but you still kept it a focused piece which was cool. The imagery was solid i liked the track team line that stood out to me. The flow was nice i saw the multies but you got a bit inconsistant with the flow in some of the bars so id say keep the flow consistant in every bar it adds complexity to your writtens. Good Piece.
Return the feed on my om 'Sick State':
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=215827