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Old 12-05-05, 03:49 PM   #29
SlicKnife
Middle Weight
 
Posts: 454
From: England
IP:

Voted For: one mic

...............

one mic -

its obvious to see, im killin you, watch me bomb this
you and and your wackness will always produce conflict
- Not hard by any means, but ok
like house of pain i get the crowd jumpin
the only thing you bringin in rap is shame to brooklyn
- Personal and ok
im spittin raw, cant get a real girl, so you lickin whores
conflicts like a bad restaurant, cuz there aint no point in givin more*
- Not workin
like destiny's child, man, your outta breath
its obvious to see your avatar symbolises lyrical death
- This is ok for a finisher

Your verse flowed well throughout, rhyming was fine with use of multis at times...you had lines that were ok for a battle, but limitied creativity....

~Conflict~

How u got me battlin a kid from UK/
Ima smash’em,trashem take his last mic away/
- Big no...
Dis kid don’t know wat he doin that he fukin wit Brooklyn/
“Go Home Bitch ” cause that’s the only trip ull be bookin/
- No
he thinks he could beat something that fukin I created/
they count his mic as “deadly” so bad to be confiscated/
- Not really, why 'deadly'? Your backfiring....
Ima leave this kid finished with his corpse diminished/
This dog is sick ima put him to sleep like vetinarian clinics/
- So sweet that you want to put him to sleep...is he 'sick'? this backfired big time...plus the word you were looking for was veterinarian....

Your verse was all over the place lyrically...no line would be considered ok, and some of your lines were shooting bullets back at you....you need to improve on making your lines witty and really attacking the opponent....read your lines like they are someone else's and rate them, try something else if one of them doesn't work...you sound new, so read verses of others that are better and keep tryin...


Ok this battle was comfortably won by one mic....better lines, attacking the opponent more...Stay Up Both

This is my battle:
http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=216087