looks like you have the basic grasp on how to drop a topical, but the newbie highlighting multies and rhymes has got to go, people arent retarded they dont need that shown up for them to get them

overall this was alright, flow was the strongest point
you need to express your ideas more clearly too, like you have some decent line sbut expansion coulda made them sick instead of ok
was hard to get a grasp of what you thought on the topic

stay on it