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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
01-09-07, 11:19 AM
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#1
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Flyweight
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Young Sin Speaks On Faith
IP: 33E3 44D7
First Before I drop I wanna Say Dont Bring Ya Gay Ass Beef In MY Shit
Feed and Be Out Now Back To My Plans I start a "VOYAGE FOR PEACE" "ANNOYED BY THE STREETS"// A "BOY TO SET FREE" a man from "TORTURE AND GRIEF"// and "MORID BELIEFS" when the "GARGOYLES RELEASE"// me to only see God's middle finger "POINTED AT ME"// these "UNFORTUNATE THINGS" had "FORCED ME TO BE"// but on my "COURSE I RECEIVED" the "TORMENT OF THEIVES"// so potent, I'd see that the scrolls of "SACREDNESS"// "PLACED WITHIN" this book were scripted by "PAGANISTS"// who had to escape to live in a "KINGDOM THAT GOD SET"/// for "FREEDOM AND NOT DEATH" but "THINKERS AND PROPHETS"// "SLEEP IN THE PROJECTS" with "HEATHENS THAT ROB THEM"// "BLEEDING FROM LOSSES" still "SEEKING THE KNOWLEDGE"// but "LEAVE IN A COFFIN" cuz no one can "PREACH WITH A PROMISE"// so we're stuck believing that "THESE ARE OF GOD'S MEN"// I breathe with a lost breath, cuz is how "FAITH WAS LOST"// cuz if we're created in His image, then we've "TAINTED GOD"// Links:http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3133397 http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3133398
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I'm Sicker Than Tha Plauges That God Sent Moses-Chosen |
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01-17-07, 06:02 AM
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#2
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Bann The Deed NOT The Breed
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IP: 2B95 0529
really storyline wasnt there this was a really bland borign peice
the vocab was abotu all that i liked use more emotion when you write also lose the quotations and back slashes theyre pointless
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  O.Y.D. |
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01-20-07, 12:26 PM
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#3
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New to RV
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IP: ED94 FF0C
looks like you have the basic grasp on how to drop a topical, but the newbie highlighting multies and rhymes has got to go, people arent retarded they dont need that shown up for them to get them
overall this was alright, flow was the strongest point you need to express your ideas more clearly too, like you have some decent line sbut expansion coulda made them sick instead of ok was hard to get a grasp of what you thought on the topic stay on it |
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