not bad slik, you have a nice style, though it seemed a bit corny at times.
Most songs don't have as chorus on this site, so that was cool to see.
Your flow was pretty nice, just some advice, ditch the hyphens linkin up your multies, because they're not needed and make your piece look newbish.
The emotion in this was off the hook, but you really didn't have much wordplay, and I couldn't see any metaphors.
Emotion feels that much more profound when you channel it through dope wordplay.
You definatly have some skill, you just need to tighten it up
Peace

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis