lol at the title change i tried that with one of my peices and it doesnt work thats vboard for ya
Quote:
Originally posted by Krem
sometimes i feel like i'm gonna die nameless
living life through other's eyes, trying to be painless
heart's been brokin so many times before
i finally thought. i couldn't fall in love no more
|
I liked the beginning the pain brought out through the first stanza
it made me want to keep reading
Quote:
but then came along a new girl
try love again, sure i'll give it a whirl
i've did it once, i'm sure i can do it again
i wanna tell her, let's be more then just friends
|
first line intrigued me the rhyme was basic but it worked for the peice the last bar was good too.
it shows your realization that you can love this girl and try love again
Quote:
i enjoy every moment, that i am with her
"I remember" each moment, not one blur
i dunno what else to say or think
thanks for listening, but my pen's outta ink
|
THe ending finished the peice well its true you cant say everything
in one peice but for this peice you did alot to describe what its like to love and love again
~~elev~~
pz DF