aight...
for a newbie you got some flow... it seemed kinda off at times so you need to stick to one rhyme scheme... if you can do that, that would help you greatly...
as for vocabulary... you'll learn that shit by hearin other rappers, by looking through a thesaurus, or hell, even doin high school essays...
your wordplay... its not bad for a newbie either... i sensed you had a little bit in this, but you could use more on it...
and your multies... you cant force a multi into your lines...
you gotta keep your flow, and when you tried using multies in this verse, it made your flow off... so just work a lil on that too...
and for text battling... keep your lines in structure man... try to even em out so that even a mentally challenged kid could read em.
but like I said... you aint bad for a newbie... just keep elevatin and keep droppin kid, you got mad ability.
A.T.


aiyo... checkk my open mic called "whats yo deal girl?? (keystyle)"