Aight yall, im a 14 yr old kid, so my vocab aint that good, but check it out, i wrote this yesterday at school...my first post.....
yo,yo

As Im sittin here spittin my rhymes on and on/
I realize im stuck with everyone else, a wannabe, a pawn/
I realize im at the heart of my rap skills, im tryin everything, but nothin is happenin/
Im showin more balls than a lot kids by postin this, so if someone makes fun of me ill cap him/
Cause all i want is a chance to get better and hopefully spit hot flows/
I just want feedback cause its what people think that depends how far this shit goes/
I dream of the day when ill be able to grab the mic and all i hear is "ooohhhh"/
I know i aint a pimp, gangsta, or even a thug/
but im still facin problems, im still fallin in this hole that ive dug/
my parents think im shit, my grandma insists im on drugs/
but no one can stop me, i cant quit, no matter how many people are against me/
its not my fault im here cause the devil sent me, but i still question how good my future can be/
i wanna be the next hit, possible the best ever/
but that comes with hard work and increasin talent, so i wanna hear people to make my rhymes more clever/
im devoted to rap, their wont be a day when i dont love it, the odds of me quittin are never/
if u dont like my shit close ur eyes cause i aint puttin my shit to a hault/
my rhymes are blazin, they burn my mouth like mixin hot salsa and salt/
u may say im wack, but there is one thing u cant take away, and thats my pride for puttin up this post/
im just havin fun and postin shit to improve my talent, no one will ever see me boast/
im scraficin everything i own to get better, and i guarantee thats more than most/
right now i need somethin over my bed of rhymes, to blanket the cold, somethin like cover/
when i signed myself up at this website i was thinkin i wanted one thing, respect from others/

peace.....

aight...
for a newbie you got some flow... it seemed kinda off at times so you need to stick to one rhyme scheme... if you can do that, that would help you greatly...
as for vocabulary... you'll learn that shit by hearin other rappers, by looking through a thesaurus, or hell, even doin high school essays...
your wordplay... its not bad for a newbie either... i sensed you had a little bit in this, but you could use more on it...
and your multies... you cant force a multi into your lines...
you gotta keep your flow, and when you tried using multies in this verse, it made your flow off... so just work a lil on that too...
and for text battling... keep your lines in structure man... try to even em out so that even a mentally challenged kid could read em.
but like I said... you aint bad for a newbie... just keep elevatin and keep droppin kid, you got mad ability.
A.T.


aiyo... checkk my open mic called "whats yo deal girl?? (keystyle)"

hey yo quit sleepin on my post yall, i just wanna hear what u have to say...............
UPPIN...................

umm....ok i'm gonna be honest, this was wack. But tha shit you need to get better is to shorten your lines, dont make em so long that it doesnt rhyme. Second, make an interesting topic and make tha lyrics impress yourself before you try impressin somebody else.
~1~

i thought it was iight if you really are as devoted to rap as you say you are then you should start postin more and tryin to get better not waitin for people to respond to one open mic but good drop keep workin on ya shit

yo bossman ur shit for sayin that. he just sounds like a kid who wants to improve, and thats just gonna bring down his confidence. open mic is to help improve people not shoot em down like that. for a first post that was pretty damn good. yo kid u do need to work a little on the flow, and multis. like at said u cant force in ur rhymes, but that was pretty good for a newbie. keep elevatin and postin and youll do fine here.