well this is the least i can do... u feedback on me all the time (links at bottom)

given what u said 'Aight yall i know this aint as good...' i wont comment on the flow

hook - straight to the point but try to keep the lines around the same syllabal (spelling?) count

1st verse - the multies were exremely basic but better than nothing, the vocab was a little weak...

2nd verse - better one in my opinion

if u make one wrong move ur gonna face this nightmare/
cause i aint in the mood to fuck around and stare, but u gettin out alive is gonna be a sight thats rare/

best lines!!
Slept on...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=81616
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=81183
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=81665