alright... hmmmmmmm, where to start...
flow- OFF!... put more content into your open mics...
read what you wrote... make sure that you can follow
your flow, cause if you cant... NOBODY else will be able to...

Structure- OFF!....... by doing as stated above, you should
be able to construct a structure...(structure is where all of
your lines are evened out... helps the flow)

Wordplay- missin it... you'd prolly have to go to tutorials to
understand what I mean when I say your missing it.

Vocabulary- let people know your smart... use an extensive
vocabulary to make people drop their jaws in awe...

Multies- add some multie rhyming lines... by extending your
vocab. you should be able to pull off some incredible multies...

Topic- the topic was good... and you stayed on topic fairly well,
just make sure that every open mic you drop... you STAY ON TOPIC...

just some pointers to elevate your skills.
A.T.