Personally I got the opposite on varentao about structure. He said you felt to write more through feelings then structure. But your structure is actually rather solid. Maybe it's just a coincidence that what you wrote fit into the proverbial walls so well, hm?

As for the actual peice itself, I really thought the third verse hit it properly on the nail. I mean you really came through with the emotions in that peice, especially the last line of that verse. The second verse I felt you were trying to come through with your own intellect which superceded most emotions. Especially with the TIME acronym. It was witty, but stuff like that generally puts a halt to expressionism. In other words, if you ignored doing that stuff you probably could've expressed things better. Or maybe not. Because even with it you expressed things just fine.

And yeah... whatever. God is good. And God is all. So it's all good.

~Shalom~

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.