In the mydst of it all i profess..
paint me with your image, sinlessness
animate and recreate my iniquity ways
Catapult my innocence to a brighter day

Measure my faith in a matter of T.I.M.E
a Tiny Interlude Mydst Eternity to shine
a consequence which led me to believe
my pain preceded me easily, like the salt in sea

my body a chapel to council my brothers
your word conserves me to reach out to others
embody me to acknowledge all truth
You are the way, the name, my root

use me dearly and as for you the same
let death be my last enemy, amen


hmm this was part of the sacred scriptures league ...you can judge it there if you wish...but yeah i felt it would fit nicely here as well.

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SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next?
sacred scriptures record (5-0)

Intriguing.

Short. Some words used made me pause. Like sinlessness. Is that an actual word? I guess it is. The state of being sinless i presume.

I liked how you approached it. Writing less to structure. More to your thoughts an emotions. Brought with it an atmosphere that suited it fine.

I think it's a piece about Jesus Christ. Or God. Your plea to him/it to show mercy. To explain what exactly you are doing. It was very, er...human. With undertones of your 'relation' to him/it.

ALong those lines.

I actually liked reading this. Though some words seemed mis-spelled. It could've been done on purpose.

...resp...

haha....not on purpose my brother....more or less at fault of not taking enough time.....Its forsure about god on my own account of obedience...Thanks for checking it out its forsure a little different than my usual but thanks for the words man....I figured you'd be the first to post...cause you know your cool like that...haha

-1-

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SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next?
sacred scriptures record (5-0)

Personally I got the opposite on varentao about structure. He said you felt to write more through feelings then structure. But your structure is actually rather solid. Maybe it's just a coincidence that what you wrote fit into the proverbial walls so well, hm?

As for the actual peice itself, I really thought the third verse hit it properly on the nail. I mean you really came through with the emotions in that peice, especially the last line of that verse. The second verse I felt you were trying to come through with your own intellect which superceded most emotions. Especially with the TIME acronym. It was witty, but stuff like that generally puts a halt to expressionism. In other words, if you ignored doing that stuff you probably could've expressed things better. Or maybe not. Because even with it you expressed things just fine.

And yeah... whatever. God is good. And God is all. So it's all good.

~Shalom~

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

Structure means nothing if you can read your own writing..
I honestly cant stand when people say things such as that..
but everyones not the same...deacon I like what you did here...

~Measure my faith in a matter of T.I.M.E
a Tiny Interlude Mydst Eternity~

that was well done bring out your own version of it...

my body a chapel to council my brothers
your word conserves me to reach out to others
embody me to acknowledge all truth
You are the way, the name, my root

~this was good as well..saying to God that your
merely a passanger of his plane...theres another
phrase involving instruments but I cant think
of itat the moment but this was well written deacon,
I would say the saying goes
'we're all instruments of his orchestra'
but thats not it eitirely~

as for lyrics its all poetry...gods mentioned in many
'rappers' lyrics poets are rappers and coffeehouse
rockers..im sick of simpletons but deacon you know
what I mean...right?

The mentioning of stucture is to do with someone sticking rigidly to one or not. And even then, it's usually a comment. Rarely a criticism. As it works both ways.

Nothing to do with it having to fit in or be certain ways.

And also most pieces have structure. Even if the writer didn't intentionally mean it to have one. Or write to it.

And Necro...exactly. It seemed to me like the structure formed. Maybe some attention to it being the way it was. But overall, just written on the edge. (i.e., structure came second..).

Once agan, nice piece deacon.

(Heh, yes, i do sometimes check back on posts...how sad, eh?!)..