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Old 11-03-03, 11:08 AM   #7
Born To Kill
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Posts: 2,936
From: Houston, Texas
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This was battle belonged to Hi My Name Is...

Pretty good read from him.
Not quite sure how you turned a virgin into a street whore.
Shame on you for not earning dollars off of it!
What kinda pimp are ya? LOL!

Seriously, though.
Better format, deeper meaning and emotion.
Kinda got bogged down at the beginning, but the ending made up for it.

6/10

Too Hot...

Eh.

First off, very generic rhyme.
Second, almost terrible rhyme scheme.
You came good in the first 3-4 lines, incorporated multi's...
Then you seemed to abandon a resonable rhyme scheme...
Also, to be honest...
Your complexity is lacking, build up your vocab some.
Definately build up your emotion.
There was no heart to this verse.

3/10
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