It sounds as if you just trying to rap because it's the thing now a days. Your song sounds more like a peom then a song. You had a funny way of going about rhyming. But when your trying to impress girls you need to sound more educated then that man. Rap aint all gangsta bullshit so you dont have to talk about doing a 187 on someones ass and shit. Thats not the type of shit you wanna say to your girl. Cause i highly doubt have the rappers in the world are gangsters so you dont have to try to be. Yours lines should be a little longer. But all n all it's ok i know how it is to be a rookie. Cause i still am one. keep droppin