The ugly duckling, that was but nothing, a high school prissy
The kind that won't crush your cock but might abuse the twinkies
^^ Funny Line lol

A delighted fool, simply ugly, but she doesn't know, she's oblivious
Adjacent to reality as she simply rode in her invisioned bliss
Never longing for a simple kiss, like most girls like her might've
All these dreams in her machine, were the ones always smited
A creature staring back in her mirror: death wish reflection
Feeling like the one woman who was exempt from perfection
Offended, restless, by the truth she abruptly encountered
wanted a free life in heaven and she lusted for holsters
Beauty stuck within posters, of glamorous SuperModel deluxe
As the broken faces turned dazzling, she wished fall in the flux
Abolish her looks, for a less grotesque caricature
Tried everything to try and accept pics of her
Different herbs from midwives, anorexia proved fruitless
Continued habits until all the techniques grew useless
And she knew this much. One way to be darling and nice
Was to tickle her twisted veins with a razor sharp knife
As she began defacing her life, she saw Heaven and Hell
Because the beauty she DIDN'T have, went and killed... herself

^^^ Some of it threw me off a little as far as the rymscheme, but the words you used where very well and creative, It def does not look forced ...Just enough but not overdone at all... Concept was played off well....


I'm always smiling when my friends around
but under my skin gown, there's this sad frown
that’s placed in my heart-its like a omen plague
the events I go through, the hard punches I take
makes my future vague-will I live the next day?
That question stays in my brain, I'm so afraid,
that I'll catch a smile under my neck 4rm blade

^^^ Common Rymescheme, Not bad, could have used
a little more vocab but is still dope regaurdless

of hate and leak my fears in a loud scream
and it'll seems, that’s the last god will hear 4rn me,
^^^ What is 4rn??????

he'll be happy that'll be just a non-existence memory.
I knew if I kiss her lips, it'll open the hell gates,
flood me with issue's that my biceps can't hold its weight
Got the whole Christian world on my shoulders with rage
my back is in ache-I'm bound to fall flat on my face.
I knew her moans, as silent like the pit of abyss
would struck a chord creating a sound of "hissss”
The tongue invisible serpent came and took a bite,
no cure now, the poison is trapped in me for life.
Won't slit my wrist cause I can already feel,
done deal my life is fucked cause her beauty can kill.

^^^ Awsome story, went well with the topic, Very deep as well....
I liked soul's imagry alot better and his vocab dident hurt he won this through the skin of his teeth in my eyes.... Vote Soul

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