this is like a monologue, not a poem or rap verse.

Why i'm always smiling
"Take a left on main street my nigga. and put ya gloves on. Hand me my face out the glove compartment. Thanks.

yesterday i was with my girl and wutnot, just chillin outside her house, like usual. Going over some bullshit, flirting and whatnot, my usual hustle-breath, panty chase, and in our time together, i'd lean over and-
Put the shit on real quick, my nigga. Thanks.
anyway...I'd lean over to her and i'd always be smiling ya know. Like a huge ass grinch type grin on, ya feel me? Mami would be like, 'leon, why you always grinnin at me? You be smiling for no reason, why? What you been doing today?'
Looking back on it, i could only imagine what she thought it might mean. All i know is it's pretty far from the truth though.

*click*
Take that off, for you forget when we get there, fam.
You ain't never fuck with these my nigga? [laughs] Aight, watch me, like this.
*click*
aight you cool, nephew.
Like i was saying though, i'm fairly sure it's far from what's real. you know how my girl is, man. Our lives are contrast to each other. That's why i gotta get rid of these problems, man. Start over, but i have to end this. She's real proper and stuff, she go to that college off of avenue d, you know the one. It's like, she's been through things with me, that to me is minor shit, but because of how she was brought up, freaked her the fuck out, nah mean? And this shit is normal shit to me, ya feel me? So, ever since that day happened, when shit went down in front of her, i've tried to keep her out of the uglinness in my life.
You aight mayne? i'm talking to you bout my girl, and you over here shaking and shit. i know you ain't cold is you? Trust me, all is well i told you this, so calm down for a second. [laughs] Old scared ass nigga! Don't be scurred, bitch ass nigga. [laughs]
Because i was thinking...About how things are for me, about my reality and hers. And at first i was like, damn my girl is really sheltered. And it made me wanna make her harder, because i thought that this is normal stuff that you'll have to deal with later on in life. So i wanted to make her tougher you know. But then i thought to myself, is she trippin, or is the way i'm livin abnormal. Most of our block reupped on heat last night when Snook and them came back with it, from out of state. I was driving to the pic quik, and lil pookie's friendly ass was puttin bullets into his first revo (revolver) And any other day i would've thought it was normal. Shit i had this lil bitch ass heat when i was younger than him-
Damn, bitch calm the fuck down already, shit! What i tell you, huh? HUH?! It's gon be aight! We have to do this fam, i need to start over, so we have to do this.
Anyways nigga [coughs] hand me that towel real quick. So i'm lookin at all this and i wonder, is this normal shit, and she's living a life that's too sheltered. Or am i used to a reality that's abnormal? In my mind, i can feel people anger towards me, you know. I know people don't want me here, or at least don't want me to enjoy myself. But i can't let her be a part of this, i can't let this life of mine spill into hers, and i can't allow her to feel pain over what i go through. At all times i am in pain, over what has become of my life, man. How we live, and how we don't, and i would love someone to take away this pain. But what i love more is my girl's smile, when she's happy, and unconcerned. So whenever i'm in pain, or angry about the things that happen that i will never tell her...
[car stops]
[opens door]
I just smile at her. I smile at her so she will never know, what i feel, the pain i feel.

"'Hey who the fuck is you niggas? Wut you niggas rockin masks for, you think you bout to do somethin-"'
[shots ring out in the night sky]
Which is why i'm always smiling..."

__________________

vote on these battles

My Myspace page