Not bad man, sounds more liek somin you'd do for a song, not really like a open mic type thing. the flow and multi's are cool but you lack creativty dude. I'd like to see either a more explosive story or add some metaphor's or multiples counted with syllables. The overall piece was decent, it just sounds more like a real song you know, possibly even a simple freestyle I could do off the top of my head. Anyway decent job just try to take some consideration to extending your vocabulary, creativty and imagery.

rtf here: http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=235871

__________________