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07-11-03, 07:00 PM | #1 | ||||||
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"Your Fault"
IP: 4577 CD9A
ay yo..I'm back! lol...Check this out and tell me what yah think...Thankz...
You know I tried to make us work it out But you were against it, Always in doubt You constantly pushed me aside Not hurting me physically, but emotionally inside All thoughs midnight late talks Remembering those romantic evening walks Our love was once great and strong But in the end you done me wrong You wonder now Why I left you Tell me, what else could I do? Why couldn't you open your eyes and see? That I wasn't going to let you lie to me I couldn't take the pain any longer My hate inside was growing stronger I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life I dreamed of me being your wife But you turned your back on me and made me furious Telling all your friends I seem delirious I was tired of being played Left at home and feeling betrayed My love for you turned Cold My future ahead seemed bold I just had to leave you behind Force you to the back of my mind Take off, and leave you in my past For I knew We wouldn't last. So now think of what this lesson has taught It's letting you know, Losing me was Your Fault... Thanks..any info will be appreciated... |
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07-11-03, 09:52 PM | #2 | |||||||
Special Ghost To Blow
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IP: 4577 CD9A
But you turned your back on me and made me furious
Telling all your friends I seem delirious dosent rhyme..delerious not delorrreus very simple rhyme scheme through n through it and left a lot more to be desired |
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07-11-03, 09:57 PM | #3 | ||||||
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IP: 4F2B 4EA2
^^^It's pronounced delirious, content. So in a way, it does rhyme.
The piece was simple and had a pure truth to it. Though i felt some of the emotions were a bit blunted and you were stuck between a rawness and a thought out construction. ..still, fairly nice.. ..resp... |
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07-11-03, 11:28 PM | #4 | |||||||
Special Ghost To Blow
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IP: C1DA C961
^^either way...
delirious dont rhyme with furious just because they have ious but maybe you werent trying to rhyme with that though other than that its not bad but rather simple |
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07-11-03, 11:34 PM | #5 | |||||||
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IP: 4F2B 4EA2
Quote:
Not in the classical sense, no. But in a more poetic and obscure way... Gah, it doesn't matter. Don't wanna clog the thread. And i do think she was trying to rhyme the two in the classical sense. So your point still stands content. |
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07-12-03, 05:13 PM | #6 | ||||||
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IP: C1DA C961
Thanks Varentao...I know this one was kinda simple...and ill work on the next one...I understand where you was coming from Content...But then again when you pronounce it it does ryhme...Thanks for the feedback anyway...
peAce |
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