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Old 06-20-05, 03:32 PM   #1
DQ
Odi et Amo
 
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Pen 'N Paper (1-1) vs. OneStepBeyond (2-0)

IP: C9A2 1C80

Battles up Monday - Check In by Wednesday - Drop by Friday - Votes by Sunday

No line limit and the battler with most votes by Sunday night is the winner. If this is a topical battle, write a topical and not a poetic drop and the same is vice a versa.

Extensions must be asked for by Thursday night by pming any of the mods (Drakel or Drama Queen). No extensions will be given 4 if asked 4 on Friday night. Extensions are only given till Sunday night at the most. If you dont ask for an extention, and drop whenever you feel like it you will be disqualified. Do not abuse extentions, they are not to be used if you're just too lazy to drop within the confines of the circumstances. Leave reasonable explanation for your absense. If the League notices you are a slacker due to this nature you will be banned for being out-right slothfully callous.

Don't ho-show because you will be banned if you do it twice. We can understand you cannot drop due to certain circumstances but if this happens a second time, you're banned from the league for 2 weeks. If you signed up for both leagues and you no-show in one league twice, you will be banned in both leagues!

Try to limit the freeposts, we will have a chat/beef thread for that. Also give fully explained votes, if not your votes won't count!

New rule: first to get 3 votes wins by KO

Your Topic:
Fading Stars
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Last edited by Drama Queen : 06-21-05 at 01:05 PM.
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Old 06-20-05, 06:16 PM   #2
Sixth Sense
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wadup OSB im checkin in this so G/L homie
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Old 06-20-05, 09:22 PM   #3
Kirk
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yoooo, checkin...
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88 miles per hour should do it.
 
Old 06-23-05, 04:54 PM   #4
Sixth Sense
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FADING STARS

Endowed in acting the actor soon found his fame
Wanted to be famous so the arms opened in game
He got famous starting making numerous movies
Known round L.A. no one asks no more “Who’s He?”
Very outshined in his acting very proud to accomplish
His dreams came to reality people thought he was garbage
Now he proved them wrong as his eyes are multihued
Visions of his image are now visual they are also viewed
In magazines and T.V. trying to be known around the world
Always wanted someone to share with just a simple girl
Didn’t get respect from no one before now he recognized
But something so horror that was seen in his immoral eyes
The street dreams got in his way sex, cars and the powerful drugs
Now he had bitches, hoes, and prostitutes so now he don’t want love
Started snorting and sniffing cocaine and injecting heroine
Couldn’t act no more as now the drugs are corrupted his brain
Veins gripped wit blood suffocating with reins couldn’t breathe
So the star just started losing and now he lost his famous dream
Got covered wit the street dreams to dangerous as fast cars
Now the once sun is just a twinkle and soon a faded star
This can happen to any star if they can’t withstand the power
And u can be gone in a hour like stars above I meteor showers
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Old 06-24-05, 12:19 AM   #5
Kirk
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The Capture

Covering myself in the jungle... I'm feeling concealed,
Famished beyond belief... My bodies really needing a meal,
Rationed out the food while this whole thing seeming surreal,
Has eaten at my thoughts, hoping that this feeling with heal,
Crawling slowly out of the forest, whats that I see in the field?
My loose grip changes and all of a sudden I'm squeezing the steel,
Breathing then kneel as this recon has turned into a sabotage,
Standing helpless in a field, bullet zips through my camoflauge,
Began to pause... Unbutton my shirt to see the damage caused,
Yell for a medic... he rushes and starts grabbing gauze,
Covers the wound... Two last soldiers looking with nothing to say,
Me unable to move and lay helplessly... And hes running away,
Surrounded... Paranoid because they may attack,
A single gun butt to the head and it fades to black...

The Interrogation

Awaken to a bright light... Mumble as I'm asking the place,
Only see figures of humans, the rays are masking their face,
Hear a foreign accent speaking English, though I didn't reply,
See a lighter spark and catch a glimpse of the enemies eye,
Asking questions I'm unable answer......... The anger builds,
I lit cigarette shoved into my arm, open wound in which ashes fill,
Elbows too the face... Later untied... thrown in a cell,
Thinking deeply about my life and how its going to hell,
Begin to think about my family... My son... 3 months of age,
Who i've only see when he was born, then I was shipped away,
My wife whos love for me is unbreakable... and vice versa,
Wonder if they send a search party, and if my lifes worth a,
Dime... Take the time from the army to try to save my life,
Captured by the enemy... All my sins.. I've paid the price...

The Last Hope

2 months later I lay helpless... next to a tray of food,
Been fed... but never the less it won't change the mood,
Wondering if they're coming... But I'm saving my breath,
The more torture i recieve the more I'm praying for death,
My last hope is my allies, who don't know my whereabouts,
Or If I'm alive at all... this little window I'm starin out,
Into the jungle... Its almost sunset and no sign of help,
Tried to be a man throughout the months, but Ive cried myself,
I look through the doors window to see men playing cards,
Living their lives... I wish soldiers were saving ours,
Spend weeks upon weeks........ They've been making scars,
They lay the cards down... Walk in and start staring hard,
The sun sets... Shines through the window... Its daytime...
They put a gun to my head... Hopes disapeared... Like Fading stars...

If you didn't realize the Fading stars is brought into the story as his last hope... I diddn't really put it in there all too well but i just wrote this tonight in like 30 minutes.... But oh well.... And yes... I know its long
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88 miles per hour should do it.
 
Old 06-25-05, 08:54 PM   #6
Sixth Sense
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yo cmon every other battle has votes and this is the only one cmon yall vote on this thnx uppin
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Old 06-26-05, 08:42 AM   #7
DQ
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Nice battle right here, let me break it down

Pen N' Paper: you used a more predictable approach of the topic but I liked the piece nonetheless. Had some nice imagery and metaphors in it, vocab was good and flow was okay. Emotion was best aspect of the piece, story developed quite good but I feel you could've gone slightly more into detail. Other than that it was a solid topical!

OneStepBeyond: I absolutely love your approach of the topic, how you looked at it as in losing hope. The way you built up the story was excellent, kept suspense in it which made the reader want to continue. Vocab was on point, flow was good and the emotion was amazing as well as the imagery. Excellent piece!

In the end, my vote goes to OneStepBeyond for his creativity and how he worked it out, no hate to Pen N' Paper though, you wrote a solid piece as well!
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Old 06-26-05, 02:33 PM   #8
Kirk
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well...........
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88 miles per hour should do it.
 
Old 06-26-05, 03:13 PM   #9
Sixth Sense
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well... theres only nine more hours to wait for pplz to vote all opther battles are closed and we tha only wit one vote
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Old 06-26-05, 04:02 PM   #10
{Propain}
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Well, both verses were dope and both did pretty well in following topic and what not..but in my opinion, OSB took this still. Pen took some cats, while OSB took others..this was a good topical either way.

--------------------------

Pen N Paper, you came hot too. I liked some of ya lines in there and there was some nice imagery which is very important in a topical or open mic. Still, OSB took that category but yours was still dope.You also had a few tight metaphores. You followed topic well and your verse had just about everything possible.

--------------------------------

OneStepBeyond, you came very strong with your verse and some of the lines you had were overwhelming. Really really, good emotion. You also had some dope imagery as well. Overall, your verse was the stronger of teh two without a doubt.

-----------------------

Both came nice but OneStepBeyond took this because his verse just came off stronger than Pens didn. Nice pieces from both of you though. STay Up.

Vote- OneStepBeyond
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Old 06-27-05, 07:06 AM   #11
E.C
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good battle here... pen n paper if u written more i think u might av taken this.... you had a solid pieice imagination was good.. flow was good vocab was basic really... overall not a bad piece keep doin your thing...


onestepbeyond: i liked this alot nman. flow was on point your understanding of the topic was better than pens vocab was also better, imaginatrion was decent man u took this in most aspe4cts....


v/ onestepbeyond
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Old 06-27-05, 08:26 AM   #12
DQ
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Closed, OneStepBeyond wins
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