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Old 02-02-04, 09:09 AM   #1
Trah Siph
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Look Closer-B.I.D

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jus felt this was an overall well thought out piece that created ill imagery
actually read it properly before commenting


Jus Feelings onto Paper
Mental Diary
:-


Blind bastard Eye Lids..so how did it come to this?
Enigma of the Purest yet you fail to make Emphasis
the deepest Abyss..of a solemn chamber of thoughts
where feelings are hated N Distraught but not Caught
so I Bought a new Aura..jus that something thats Purer
where you can feel it yourself & decide nothing can be Surer
to the Core..a Cataract of Sights Enbedded into Cells
locked up N Abondoned far from Wishings in the Wells
Coasted by Bells..that sound you hear as Silence draws Near
is it the start of a new year or jus the Attractment of Fear
can you Hear? its like a Ringing yet we all still cant See
an Idol of Amazement that we still cant be sure if it can Be
Joy? Fun? Glee? thats nuttin that you can Dare compare to Me
its like the Sea w/ No Salt..its a Tax w/ No Fee
I mean it doesnt Exist so Resist & be a Pacefist
Eyes clog up like Mist..tried to Look but sumthing Missed
was it b/coz I'm Pissed? but even Microscopes couldn't Magnify
the Biggest most beautiful being..Example just off the Sky
I yearn to Fly..get outta this World..Universes are Waiting
far from Leadership Elections..I'm sick of that shitty Debating
the Hating..the Foundership n the Stuff thats Immoral..
..like Hosed down Leadership
where Questions are Unanswered but Answers are Questioned
you could Bring in a Good Idea yet it would never be Mentioned
now in Detention..my Food for Thought sent me Unstable
for Encouraging myself for Bringing More to the Table
N not being Able to Avoid the Views of Others
coz I listen to my Brothers n the Views of Other Mothers
take in their Ideas & Try to plz the World
but not listening to Myself..and More Ideas are Hurled
across Rooms w/ no Walls..N walls w/ No Floors
till they drop to Oblivion Striving to the Cores
of a Prone Hazard Mind..that finds it Hard to Find
to Look straight Forward..Instead of Always Behind
but wot do I know?? I'm jus a Mentally Unstable Ex-Dictator
A serial Against-Hater and a thought Possessed Debater
I just Explained the Hatred in those Lines n the Self-Implagued Disease
but wen I looked Closer in the Mirror..I found out it was Me

straight from the walls of Assylum
another Dictator toppled
who's next?
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Old 02-02-04, 05:33 PM   #2
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Y thankyou!! expects a NO lol
anyways feedbk wud be appreciated
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Old 02-04-04, 04:32 PM   #3
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lol..Id like to have some feedbk on this plz peeps
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Old 02-04-04, 07:18 PM   #4
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wow....this was really really nice....
it flowed very nicely, very smoothly, there as good use of internals....but no multies, which baffles me. the content was good, the ending was solid...writer's voice would have been stronger.
I'm going to say In though.
I liked this a lot.
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Old 02-04-04, 07:19 PM   #5
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No.
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Old 02-05-04, 04:24 AM   #6
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^^^^
1 vote...rejection hurts lol
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Old 02-05-04, 05:38 AM   #7
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i'ma say in.
this was real nice pice one of the best i read for a while!!!
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Old 02-05-04, 02:29 PM   #8
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The wording on this was very original, some fresh rhymes on here, the flow had originality to it, It was very good actually, I was feeling the words more, It was one of those pieces where you can't anticipate the next line, I was really feeling the wording of this piece and progression, I'd have to say it was legendry, I think, I'm not sure what qualifies for it, Apart from this was a piece i read twice, very rare thing!! Pz man

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Old 02-05-04, 02:33 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by B.I.Detained
^^^^
1 vote...rejection hurts lol

Want to settle in a topical battle?..its not legendary.
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Old 02-05-04, 02:37 PM   #10
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lmao..wots ya fuckin problem? I aint got no beef w/ you
get off ya high horse..how in the hell did my comment offend you?
i was playin coz noone had peeped it.. i know for a fact
ya aint even read my piece.. Maven,Potent etc
actually took time to read it and voted it in......
I aint got nuttin against ya & would enjoy a topical
against you
set it up & pm me the link
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Old 02-05-04, 04:42 PM   #11
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This honestly wasnt worthy, i dont know what the fuck you all saw in this.


And lay off my structure you fucking asshole.
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Old 02-05-04, 05:18 PM   #12
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Yepp..nice..but not legendary..
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Old 02-05-04, 06:46 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lirael One
This honestly wasnt worthy, i dont know what the fuck you all saw in this.


And lay off my structure you fucking asshole.


was never your structure & your jus some herb
kid that lies bout having no internet
now die..your wack, noone likes you
go away plz
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Old 02-05-04, 06:51 PM   #14
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cam just voted you out because you "stole his structure". trust me .. he is like that .
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Old 02-05-04, 06:52 PM   #15
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I know Feebs
he's a bitter lil boy who jus has a sad outlook on life
he thinks he was original to a style..yet he bites everyone
all i want is a lil honesty...he thinks every piece he does
deserves to be in legends..sad boy
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