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02-15-04, 06:13 PM | #1 | ||||
Over Weight
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Lunar Dreams
IP: C1DA C961
Become comical, don't take life so serious..
It's apparent, the Martians are out there ready to take Earth.. They have the abilities to take the Systems super military gurth.. Picture them as it would seem, green with an oversized head.. Instead, they have shiney faces that gleam, eye's firery red.. Their choice of weapons, annihilate with one simple fired shot.. Their powers make your head spin, into one dimple type knot.. These Martians, have already dominated Jupiter and France.. Hell, they caught the Prime Minister with a porno and no pants!.. So how would it go down, how would our world be spiked.. How'd our American Democracy we've worked for end up like.. The thought of it's disturbing, not something to be brought up.. Imagine, no more pointing with one hand, like Donald Trump.. The whole thought of it sucks, all these families being killed.. There's all our luck, just to make the Martians hopes fulfilled.. Hhhmmm, to bad these events will never occur it seems.. Cause, all that's just happened, occured in a schizos lunar dreams..
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Soft Focus Suicide Inc. RhymeVantage Def.Ill Ghost-Writers Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..
Last edited by Tsar Casm : 02-15-04 at 06:28 PM. |
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02-15-04, 07:24 PM | #2 | ||||
Over Weight
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IP: C1DA C961
Wam bam upping mam..
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Soft Focus Suicide Inc. RhymeVantage Def.Ill Ghost-Writers Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..
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02-15-04, 07:33 PM | #3 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: 92E6 7769
Erm...It's aight, a bit simple, but good...the only thing i wanna know is...Whats it about?
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Knowledge Is King |
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02-15-04, 09:52 PM | #4 | ||||
Over Weight
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IP: 6236 079F
lmao..RVTL drop..
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Soft Focus Suicide Inc. RhymeVantage Def.Ill Ghost-Writers Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..
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02-15-04, 09:54 PM | #5 | ||||
Banned: Spamming
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IP: 4577 CD9A
I like this...I think you have a good chance of winning...depends who you are up against?
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02-15-04, 10:51 PM | #6 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: EC0B 84C7
Im gonna be as honest as possible for you....now when i saw the title "lunar dreams" i thought that this was gonna be some sci fi adventure type piece....you convey that message with most lyrics.....but you really strayed off topic with that donald trump line...dont input weak lines just for the sake of rhyming...filler material is a sin....just always be at your best....this piece is really too short to really be telling me anything you know?...is this a narrative story or what?.... flesh this out more and use a little more imagination....im out (RETURN THE FAVOR BY HITTING UP MY OPEN MIC IN MY SIGNATURE)
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+ORION+ * BATTLES *
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02-16-04, 07:13 AM | #7 | |||||||
1E
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IP: 5AF5 5CA5
i agree with pen, this was quite good, didnt think the scheme was simple, like vokal said... idiot...lol.... you kept a smooth flow going and the vocab was evenly placed,.... nice.... good luck!
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02-16-04, 08:58 AM | #8 | ||||
Over Weight
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IP: 4577 CD9A
Thanks everyone..and ORION..I threw stuff in there just to make it funny..stuff I'd seen people make fun of on TV..I was just simply writing this for stupidity and fun..I thought some people may wonder about it..that's why at the top I said be comical..!
P.S I'm up against..Transmogrify..
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Soft Focus Suicide Inc. RhymeVantage Def.Ill Ghost-Writers Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..
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02-16-04, 09:03 AM | #9 | |||||||
Here's Lookin At You Kid
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IP: E110 691F
this was interesting.....flow was very good....had some funny, and meaningfull lines...
structure was good....metas were good...wordplay decent.... lmao at that prime minister line....and the France one .. lol .. but decent piece here...okay consistancy.....must'a been fun writing this.! ... good job keep it up
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<Center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>.:Corrupted Visions:.</table></Center> |
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02-16-04, 12:03 PM | #10 | ||||
Over Weight
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IP: C1DA C961
thanks..
__________________
Soft Focus Suicide Inc. RhymeVantage Def.Ill Ghost-Writers Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..
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