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08-03-05, 01:56 AM | #1 | ||
pain is weakness leaving the body
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the pearly gates
IP:
i see them now.
the gates are shining brightly. beckoning me towards them. i never knew i had earned this; this magnificent treasure, the gift of gifts. wait. where are the pearly gates? these are shiny like a precious metal lit from an unseen fire. am i? no i don't deserve this. NOOOOOOOOOOO! the morning rays of the sun hit the black bars of my cell and i'm hit with the realization that i am seperated from God, my family, and my friends are gone. i'm in hell. another 10-15 to go. -Chip
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"I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..." -Konchance my poetry: untitled |
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08-03-05, 02:00 AM | #2 | ||
RV aint Dead
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IP:
it was str8 so u in jail is dat wat u tryn ta say
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08-03-05, 02:01 AM | #3 | ||
pain is weakness leaving the body
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IP:
link to a poem i liked:http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=196313
more poems by me: http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=202397 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=200947
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"I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..." -Konchance my poetry: untitled |
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08-13-05, 01:54 PM | #4 | ||
pain is weakness leaving the body
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IP:
never been to jail, but the letters my brother sent me gave me enuff understanding of what he went thru to write this poem. uppin' for more feedback.
another poem i liked:http://community.rapverse.com/showt...ewpost&t=194418
__________________
"I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..." -Konchance my poetry: untitled |
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08-16-05, 02:26 AM | #5 | |
New to RV
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IP:
honestly i didnt like the poem because i didnt know wat you were talking about at all i guess u were in jail but you didnt make it noticed jus by talking about the bars you should have talked about the food,clothes,otha cell mates etc you could up your vocab also and ya imagery
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08-16-05, 11:29 PM | #6 | |||
pain is weakness leaving the body
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IP:
Quote:
like i said before never been to jail. i got the idea for the poem when my brother wrote me about the times he woke up and forgot where he was. i guess there are some things u never get used to. good lookin' on the feedback though. uppin'.
__________________
"I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..." -Konchance my poetry: untitled |
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