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02-17-04, 07:26 PM | #1 | ||||||
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Fictional Peace
IP: F7ED CA3D
Confusing Questions With No Answers Bein Mentioned
Peace Bein Deceased Reason For Stress And Tension Keepin Our Children Guessin, Whats Right And Wrong We're Simply Carressin, The Sin That Consumes Us All Why Dont We Learn Our Lesson Before We Are All Gone? Why Do We Wait, Until It's Too Late And So Proned To Stall Just Siezing Peace, Relieving Grief, But Realisticly The Fact Is That, We Should Forget It, The Results Are Brief Quests For Less Tests Of Hate Would Be Great Just To Get Blessed Nevertheless We Stress, Our Community's Got People Puttin Holes In Innocent Chests... Government Swears Its Best... To Leave Em Alone... Dont Wanna Be Bothered... I'd Love To Follow A Thug Home Just To Meet His Mother And Father World Bein Cursed By Hatrid And Rage Bein Staged Caged In Racism Lacing Together Hate And Fate Descrimination And Hatrid Claiming Domination To Nations Evil Indications, Fake Friendships Ending In Tragic Relations Temptations To Procrastinate Will Decide Our Occupations Patience And Hardwork Results In Success Innovations Too Many Lives Bein Taken, Too Many Hearts Are Racin Tastin, Smellin, Hatrid Causin Body Chalk Tracins Thinkin We Too Mature To Learn From This Horrid Type Lifestyle I Dont Care How Old You Are, You're Still Just An Innocent Child Mildly Understanding Reasons For This Type Of Piece Honest Truth Spoken Of Real Yet Fictional Peace
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Respect is all I'm after. Prime effort is all you can expect. Perfection will be promised in time. The Creation |
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02-17-04, 08:59 PM | #2 | ||||||
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IP: F7ED CA3D
Up.
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Respect is all I'm after. Prime effort is all you can expect. Perfection will be promised in time. The Creation |
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02-17-04, 09:19 PM | #3 | |||||
AKA Cereal Shelf
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IP: 6E65 1B29
This was cool dogg. The flow was sorta choppy in the middle but it flowed pretty well overall. The topic was kinda bland, which made it sort of vague and played out. Try to narrow down the topic and explore it more. The multis were overused, every multi gets stressed, so for every multi watch out and make sure it doesn't hurt the flow. Internals were nice, overall it was a solid drop bro, keep em' coming.
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<center>Deja Vu ..Remember These Dope Kids?.. .................................................. . |
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02-17-04, 09:31 PM | #4 | |||
A King Missing a Queen...
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IP: 8D7B 43DF
It was an overall drop, flow was kinda choppie like ^he^ said. Maybe try and cool it with all the vocab. Its ruining the effect and emotion of some of the lines. I liked the topic, something new to see. You do a good job of getting people deep within what your writeing. The structure was straight, it was an over all good drop hommie...
Nice work... ( Be looking for " My Thoughts Pt. 3,4,5 " pretty soon... return the favor hommie )
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02-17-04, 09:54 PM | #5 | ||||||
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IP: F7ED CA3D
Thanks.. I wrote this oh about a half year ago and just thought it was good. However I didn't actually try to use multis.. I keyed that verse in 7 minutes no joke. I just said what I felt and it went. Read it like it's an audio.
Stay up.
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Respect is all I'm after. Prime effort is all you can expect. Perfection will be promised in time. The Creation |
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