I cant figure out what I'm gon do without you
I cant figure out exactly what I'm gonna do
I had no idea why, I had absoluteley no clue
Why someone would wish to kill a man like you

I Looked around and the sky seemed as red
As red as the pool of blood you layed in dead
I was in shock,I walked around wandering
Trying to find an answer,I was just pondering
We didnt listen to peoples warnings or advice
Thats why you suffered instead of it being concise
I heard you scream from the excruciating pain
Then everything became silent except for the rain
You layed there in peace like you were asleep
We should've known when we seen the car creep
We thought that they were anything but daunting
Now in my mind, your face seems to be haunting
The reason for them doing it was just a lil inane
That whole day seemed to be just a lil too insane
They did it because they know we were gon blow
So now I god bless the child with the flawless flow

I cant figure out what I'm gon do without you
I cant figure out exactly what I'm gonna do
I had no idea why, I had absoluteley no clue
Why someone would wish to kill a man like you

That shit is deep my nigga!

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COLOR=Red]J~R[/COLOR]

^^WERD!!!!...Thanx for tha feed mayne..Uppin for more

lmao thats not feed


ok your structure is goood...though your flow is not...you have some cheap vocabulary...i be you dont even know wut the words mean...cuz you throw big words in there that dont even flow good at all... try making your imagery more vivid....and your emotion more enthusiastic you had potential in the beginning then you just dove into the dirt....try and come to a conclusion that is as powerfull at the beginning dont just die out at the end......overall 5/10 man progressin from the other ones.....rtf in sig!!!

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A LIFE OF CHRYME

Iight mayne thanx for tha feed...Ill rtf in a lil while like I told you already...Upping for more feedback on this piece right here that seems to not be that great I guess but anyway,Upping for it...HOLLA at me...1

Upping for more feed

meh.............i could see this as an audio.........completely as an audio
its decent.......basic on vocabulary you had some nice imagry and emotion
it was a decent OM.........you could've done better in many areas thoh
and for your hook try to make the syllable count equal or almost equal it'll sound so
much better

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crhyme sindicate
Open Mic Hall Of Famer

RTF if and when you have the time.............thanx

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crhyme sindicate
Open Mic Hall Of Famer

ok strucutre is good improved alllllllllllot props on this
flow i would like to see more multis like ive told you but ur rhyme scheme has elevated alot so props on that get them multis and itll be top notch
lyrics like the little hook id like to see some owrdplay something or more imagery whatever you feel would fit best overall
7/10

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im sorry, but i didnt like this one bit
that hook at the begining was awful, youre basically repeating the same line over and over until the last one, theres no creativity..

which is basically the theme for the rest of the piece as well
i really didnt find very much creativity in it
it just bored me, no heavy lines at all...jus some mediocre descriptions
your vocab needs to be upped like a mahfucka, cause everything in here was real simple, and i found the "bigger" words in the piece were used at the wrong time.
flow is pretty off, if you turned this into an audio it would sound horrible..

only thing i liked was structure, but thats really not saying much
ehh honestly, id say you need some work....but w/e you tried so props for that.

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Tha 1 An Onlii B wherent you banned for biting before?

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Agreed............................................ ..........

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