Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
01-27-04, 05:02 PM | #1 | ||||||
Flyweight
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give some feedback plz
IP: 7F9D D63A
If it suckz I dun give a fuck...
Misery is all I see, only thing that comez to life People I love leave or die right in fronta my eyez I never realised how much life has his own valuez if u were still here there'd be so much to tell u... agression anger hate cuz u are gone for life My big mouth turned quiet, all the sudden I was cryin' tearz rollin' down my eyez, why did u have to die? couldn't someone else pass away that night? Fuck God, guezz that mothafucka dun really excist Wish I could take it back, yo I'm sorry for that diss I was mad and angry, and dumb as I was I had to make the track, actin' all hard but u know it wasn't real, unlike the love I feel wish u were here... now I'm down on knees itz not fair... yeah but after all what is life's like a crappy toy, the piecez'll never fit there aint no manual included with some good advice waz it about hate or pride, the starz n stripez? It waz pride, that made me say what I said to u but remember all my love for you is true... even though you're gone, I will never forget thiz iz one of them thingz I'll alwayz regret. did they took u away from me, or did I push u myself? if I did, sorry, cuz u were there when I needed help u supported me 'n sticked by my side, with everthin' I did fuck the beef, all the thingz I said never ment shit |
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01-28-04, 09:38 AM | #2 | ||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 2B5C 63D0
nobody?........................................... .
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01-28-04, 09:45 AM | #3 | ||||||
Banned
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IP: 0C1E A020
its alright, you had topic, but ya flow was off and ya need to elevate your vocan and wordplay. nice atempt tho.
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01-28-04, 10:18 AM | #4 | ||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 2B5C 63D0
ok thxz..............................................
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01-28-04, 02:22 PM | #5 | ||||
Word.
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IP: D95F 8163
This was alright.....structure in this seemed alright.....the flow in this was ok, it kinda got off at some parts for me though but other than that it was alright....try adding some more multies to this though....the content was alright in it....but keep at it.
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02-04-04, 06:29 AM | #6 | ||||||||||||||
Flyweight
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Feedback...
IP: 22D2 4A11
Nice intro:
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Quote:
"You describe it well, could've extending more 'explicit details' more 'internal words' that make the flow of it sound smoother" Quote:
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"And I also agree more vocab and wordplay ..." Quote:
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You got props from me JamesJr. (Think of throwing rhymes in there?) Quote:
__________________
undefined Love for all real lyricists and poets ~~~~~~~~ Open Mics http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112397 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111729 2nd Battle NEEDS 4 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111647 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=110858 Last edited by JamesJr. : 02-04-04 at 06:37 AM. |
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