Farse comen ta kill ya and when I'm done I"ll bill ya/ lesten to my flow cuz even BO nos who I be/ farse comen 123/ so be ready when the hit comes/ cuz it don't take to long for my niggaz to get done/ and we do this shit all in fun/ and your girl looken at me and u gettin mad// back up bitch cuz shes done been had/ and all thease bitch ass niggaz think I'm a fad/ well fuck you cuz farse is comen in mad/ with skill yall niggaz bout to get killed/ so don't even try to deal this boy comen in for the steal/ shit I'm taken your meal/ so here farse come for the finally line/ all ya niggaz can kiss my ass cuz ya'lls bitches r mine.



just somthin real short that I thought would go in good for my first open mic







http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=96093
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=95933
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=95975

Ok...your structure needs some work, you shouldnt put it in paragraph form, put it line on top of line, and try to make the lines around the same length so its structured pretty well...you should add some more multies in this to help the flow out though....but overall this was ok...keep at it.

^this is very important^

esp. when u wanna give us a real good sense of ur flow, otherwise we may not hear it or rap it tha same way u would n it may sound wrong to us but completely fine to u...

tha vocab needs some work, u had some real simple words n some real simple rhymes, jus keep at it...

elevation is tha key...

__________________
<marquee>?</marquee>

This sounds like a quick drop with little thought or brain input. No I have to reiterate the same thing that the uppin said do not put it into paragraph form. pz and luv.

__________________
Let God speak for the underground Psalm 49 16-17
16 Do not be overawed when a man grows rich when the splendor of his house increases
17 For he will take no thing with him when he dies, his splendor will not descend with him
18Though while he lived he counted himself blessed - and men praise you when you prosper-
19 He will join the generation of his fathers, who will never see the light of life

20 A man who has riches without understanding is like the beasts that perish