The Newspaper Can Be Harmful

The paper I’ve read well advertisements make my head swell
But misled as hell these articles are like particles people fell
On the front page in headlines that fed minds false information
Read and sniff with ease as a stiff breeze blow send vibrations
Of coolness to my body, get my brain juicy while I hang loosely
Like an empty bag so much news that touch the blues of life profusely
The newspaper thrills a nation when it kills the reputation of folks
The devastation of quotes can leaves accreditation in smokes
It cause shiver in the hood when it deliver goods in writing
That should be frightening has all the things that be igniting
Violence in the vicinity must silence the enemy its biting
The soul of the city with a bold and witty search to find
The nasty not the divine classy to them crime is sassy sometime
News reporters are insects that suck the blood from the good
Leave crud and mud in the hood vampires on paper and should
Retire see fire in their eyes, the press harass society
And cause a mass variety of problems in it entirety
A worldly warning on early morning as this jive lay in
Your driveway you don’t need it to survive a day my friend
Shy away from the headlines of destruction you could end
Your on-the-job frustrations

my link (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=203428)

damn my shit not even getting peeped

nice vocab man, iight multies it was cool......good concept i guess.....but u suck so fuck you

thanks TAZ shit was off the hook

OK...

Flow-Was nice at certain points...but turned choppy at times.I think the rhyme scheme you got there is a good start.But the multis you got are basic.But... a basic multi rhyme sheme is still better than one sllyables rhyme scheme.I think with a little work..your flow will get better.

Content-Not to sound harsh..but most of it was a lil boring man.I think you need some interesting things.The only part that got me awake was from "news reportes suck blood" line to the end.I like the vocab...so keep it up in that catergory.So all in all...your content could use a little pizz-azz...or interesting shit.Metaphors and vocab are good when used right...but can make your verse boring if used wrong.

SO..work on improving multis and just making your verse more interesting.

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=203668
^^If you don't mind voting...I mean...I took time to read your work.

thanks to everyone for the props for real yo

This verse has great vocab & depth..it also holds a slight degree of complexity into its content..as far as what's read inside the newspaper..the flow was pretty decent..at times it becomes distorted & hard to follow smoothly..

What cut down your verse in my opinion is..the way you used multi's because that's part of the reason ya flow was choppy..the other reason is creativity..it seems like readin the newspaper can be creative to a certain limit..& the imagery was slacking as well

Overall...it was a decent verse you have..just work on ya multis & imagery..& keep doing what you do

hey thanks for the props and critique on this one for real yall

this was betta good drop........

__________________

"don't assume me Im not what you're used to"