Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
07-15-06, 12:15 PM | #1 | |||||||
Ya mom massages my nuts
|
Trip Back With That Real Hip Hop!!!!peep It!!!!!!!
IP: 3013 571D
WHaddup yall this is a story track I wrote for the rstl's, figured I'd post it here too an see what yall think. Leave some good feed plz, good looks...1
Song Title: The Jigsaw Link to Song: http://www.soundclick.com/triplen Lyrics to song: Verse 1: The behind is sore from hardwood chair On defendant side where the juror's cold stares Tearin' a hole in left side of my face Ankles & wrists itch, cuffs cause'em to chaff Look at the court appointed an feelin' disappointed He sweatin' & shakin lookin' like he aint gonna make it An I'm facin life... Nervous prick got the nerve to turn and utter the words its alright Then I turn to my right, who do I see? Come to the stand that Bitch! Jennifer reason I be Shackled & chained bout to be caged like zoo animals Cuz two adults got down like two animals No different from anybody else but I'm black She's white, this is alabamanian life An somebody told that she be sleepin' wit negros Now a rapist, 20 yrs old with life gone Hook: Yo, Life's a Jigsaw an you missin' a piece Sometimes ya gotta improvise in midst of the heat's Benign commonplace that ya see every week Or cease!......to walk the streets Hook repeats Verse 2: She gave her testimony was hard injestin the phony Caucasian jury of peers easily injestin' it plenty No gaggin jus gettin' maddened at the nigga in orange Don't matter got no priors & honor student in college Or momma jus be watchin' a prosecuter demolish Integrity & steadily realizin' he's a goner "No!" Then look at honor lookin' jury starrin' at a nigga with eyes of guys of likes of Jeffrey Dahmer Everybody know the verdict they jus drawin' it out They get to deliberatin' an sortin' it out Wheter life or death for ringin' a nigga out Framin the life juice in prosecuter's house Then the jurors come out, I start to sweat An feelin regret that ever messed wit white bitch But if this it! in a chair I'm a melt I can't help, but sitback an think to self Hook Verse 3: I look Down & see a paperclip on the floor I pick it up quick! then I start to pick At cuffs, then the right hand is free Spree from chair an tackle the guard left of me Put paperclip in his eye then I released Gun from the holster, before they could scream They Freeze! too petrofied to flee So, I close eyes an blindly start to squeeze Til AK make sound of chambers empty I could walk out of here an be scott free But then something terrible! occured to me Mom was here, during the murder spree So, I go to third row an what do I see Mom holding her throat, blood gushin' a stream Down her shirt, she choked when tried to speak Then made a funny sound an died in front of me I stand up, in the abiss of bodies Hear cops approachin' outside in the lobby Moms dying killed the will inside me Drew the GAT!, an ran out in the lobby! Links to feed left: http://community.rapverse.com/showt...250#post2794250 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=231652 http://community.rapverse.com/showt...257#post2794257
__________________
Haters spend all they time hating on another's life
Then wonder why when presenting there's to others...no one looks twice Because at the end of the day, you get what you give So, when you consumed with his...don't get mad when everyone else is Last edited by Triple_N : 07-15-06 at 12:32 PM. |
|||||||
07-15-06, 12:43 PM | #2 | |||||||
Light Weight
|
IP: 0307 BFB1
Listenin', like the intro sample..beat intro is nice im feelin the pianos and the gun shots are a nice effect..this beat is perfect for this track..
You come in now, flow is crazy fam...on this verse great flow and delivery..lyrics im readin too and its real tight im feelin the story your tellin so far about this race difference.. Hook is tight and catchy too nice lyrics on it too... 2nd verse feelin the lyrics again too, jeffrey dahmer line was crazy...this story is unique and interesting.. Life the pause and sample before the hook.. 3rd verse...dayum...the story took a gruesome end bout the mother dying..damn...chilling ending to dat... Adlibs were real good in this track helped it flow along with the emotion alot.. Ight lets rate shit: Flow = 9.5/10 didnt fall off really Emotion = 10/10 you cudnt change what you did there Delivery = 10/10 same as before... Lyrics = 10/10 great lyrics..specially on the hook (revised my decision here lol, read it again and damn no flaws) Articulation = 8.8/10 I guess ima pick on this cos it isnt any use fo you to get feed without and constructive critique..and this was the only thing I cud say wasnt as good as the others, some words I cudnt hear but rlly i heard most...so its not a huge prolblem..but fo real this track is crazy...-downloads-....1
__________________
N.O.K SpuL - 10/10 Shere Kaughn - 10/10 Speats - 20/10 and more Last edited by Konvict_NYC : 07-15-06 at 12:52 PM. |
|||||||
07-15-06, 12:44 PM | #3 | ||||||
...Closer Look...
|
IP: CE13 1C89
yup yup...this was a hot joint!
i liked ur presence/emotion put in it...right in point with it same with the flow...lyrics made sense yeah..and i enjoyed the story line..pretty gd imagery..hook was lovely!i like the soft/hard atmosphere..pretty nice here..not to even talk of ur voice keep dropping please!
__________________
Hit This Up And I'll Hit Your's Too
Yvonne-Early In The Morning S.K.M Quote:
Quote:
Now That's Wassup! |
||||||
07-15-06, 12:44 PM | #4 | |||||||
I see dumb people
|
IP: B63B 96C4
aiight word, so I just read along to lyrics and listned first and now am only typin' feed. But damn, yo. dope ass story fo reel. that ending was ill, some girl IMed me during the intro of 3rd verse so I missed what you was saying, so I rewinded track back so I could pick up from it. that's how into it i was yo. lol but fo reel, beat was dope. Your flow throughout was real nice, good change ups. Also the adlibs really added to story, made it more colorful. Hook was plain dopeness. basically whole story wrapped into that. dope shit. whole story was nice. good touch to make his mom be onme of people who died, makes you either feel sorry for dude, who like "he deserves that" depending on your opinion so far thru story. and nice ending too.
overall dope track yo. loved it stay up. 9.5/10 EZ |
|||||||
07-15-06, 01:22 PM | #5 | ||||
On The Air - COMIN JAN 07
|
IP: BACC 8E92
aight i'm peepin this now
quality is perfect for the beat..... flow was really smooth....... i really like the multies you use in your lyrics and the vocab you got really catches the listeners attention....I like this.... The hook is nice........i like the piano melody on the backround Second verse is the same flow is a lil bit quicker and the lyrics and multies stay on point.......delivery and what not is still hot the hook again is nice really smooth The pause in the song was cool came right back in hot....... i like the third verse the most.......the gun effect was cool....fit it perfect and wasn't too loud or quiet Good shit fam...i like this.... hot shit keep ddroppin |
||||
07-16-06, 03:52 AM | #6 | ||||
Ike
|
IP: F5EA AA2D
listening.....returning the favor....
i like the intro...def. dunno if im really liking this beat much...dunno..just not my type of beat i guess.... first verse is nice...... hook is nice as well...prolly the best part as of yet.......like how u come in on the 2nd verse with the multies... overall...good story....
__________________
|
||||
07-16-06, 03:32 PM | #7 | ||||||
...Closer Look...
|
IP: CE13 1C89
upping for this nigga mayne....
__________________
Hit This Up And I'll Hit Your's Too
Yvonne-Early In The Morning S.K.M Quote:
Quote:
Now That's Wassup! |
||||||
07-16-06, 06:26 PM | #8 | |||||
~Break Bred or Play Dead~
|
IP: 3C62 382D
Intro...damn u..i was bout 2 drop a track wit dat sample
im feelin the storyline...beat was kinda blahhh hook was iight... but this was a deep track...i liked the 2nd verse the best u came in hott mos def another hot track we gotta collab soon
__________________
|
|||||
07-16-06, 07:31 PM | #9 | |||||||
Nt Your Average
|
IP: CC0F A674
Intros dope,nice sample...
Beats nice man..scratchin Aight your on,feelin your flow,suits the beat....feelin your delivery on this,fluxuations are nice...feelin this,emotions mad nice,feelin the laid back style..really suits...man the lyrics are dope....damn,this is fiya....real ncie verse I like the hook the way you hang on the end of the words...real nice! Verse 2.....Flows madd fire,even better than first...this is crazy,deliverys dope....emotions dope,feelin the presence man...real nice..like the lil sample on it lyrics were dope Hook............... Verse 3...feelin this verse,i like the 2nd the best though,but i like how you do it a lil like the hook with the hanging on....flows dope,word@the lyrics....i like the lil noooo..whyyy that add nice effect man...real good shit Fire...1.
__________________
OYD MAFIA
|
|||||||
07-16-06, 08:00 PM | #10 | |||||
The Paragraph President
|
IP: 2372 BC06
I like this one, I thought you coulda went faster in some spots but thats it. The hook was a fuckin dopeness piece of shit...lol the lyrics were overall hotness and I also give you props for postin the lyrics. I went with em while I was listening, I downloaded it and It'll be heard in my ears for awhile. also along with some of your older shit. overall nice drop trip, you seem to have got my attenton this time!
1
__________________
|
|||||
07-16-06, 10:29 PM | #11 | |||||||
The Light
|
IP: 089B 8756
word. beat is ill. Great story tellin peice.
verses - were strait. flow was always on, and lyrics were good. good story. ending was nice. chorus was my favorite part. flowed good. i think this was a solid track for real. nice drop
__________________
Can I Metaphor?
Mixtape Pushed Back to mid september.. Holla at me for a copy still I'm felt cause im real. Can you say the same ? Prolly not.
Proud OYD member again . <------- That is whassup
|
|||||||
07-19-06, 03:03 PM | #12 | |||||||
Ya mom massages my nuts
|
IP: 3013 571D
good looks on all the feed yalll.....1
__________________
Haters spend all they time hating on another's life
Then wonder why when presenting there's to others...no one looks twice Because at the end of the day, you get what you give So, when you consumed with his...don't get mad when everyone else is |
|||||||
07-23-06, 04:24 PM | #13 | |||||||
ILL GRAMMATIX... any other questions?
|
IP: FEAC 2479
checking....
intro.... everyone has used this... pulp fiction... samuel jackson beat... nice story beat.... verse one... simple flow... ehhh i've heard you do better.... hook.... nice... like da layers... second verse... flow is much better here.... sounds like it goes from line to line a lot better and actually rides the beat better than frst verse.... hook again... sounds different when it comes in... i don't know... third verse... flow falls off a lil here.... story is kool... some of the adlibs seem outta place or too loud.... it was aiight... not ya best but aiight.... be ez
__________________
CLICK DA SIGGY "real recognize real but still others remain jaded believing bullshit accounts of how "so-and-so" made it there's a formula for gimmick emcees that are over-rated: wackness created... payola paid it... and radio overplayed it" |
|||||||
07-24-06, 03:04 AM | #14 | ||||||
Whys That?
|
IP: 5285 DC82
playing........ Good use of sample, I have the same on on a old track.
beat and vocals kick in nice, adlibs sounding nice, flows solid, story lines catching. Ive said it everytime I heard your tracks, you remind me that cat from snoops dogs label, he on that slim track.. remmmmmeeeeeeeembbbbbber meeeeeeee!!!!! lol, blah. good track bro,feeling it. |
||||||
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|