checik these pieces out

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=101296
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=100836[/URL]
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=101032

Dreamz n Questions

b4 i go 2 bed, gotta say stuff to the above//
first off, wanna say thanx to god for showin me love//
i wanna thank him, for takin care of family that's passed//
for instance, my little sister, never made it, didnt last//
only 45 minutes young, then her internals collapsed//
its really hard, watchin your poor parents grasp//
eachother, id like to pray for my motherand my brother//
rememberin the times we laughed together, also b4 i slumber//
wanna pray for my father, works hard for his money//
comes home every night, makes our lives sunny//
I wanna pray for my my grandparents, they let mesee the sights//
With all they talents,they always gave me delights//
Finally, gotta pray for my frendz, they never leave my side//
Now imma sleep 2 tha soundz of the siren’s cry//

So many questions, but nows I gots to sleep//
Tryin to find out the meanin y life so deep//
y so many people dien, cuz the hill of life 2 steep//
these questions come n go in my dreamz of sleep//

y so many people dien, starvin, and homeless//
while others all decked out, but others chromeless//
and all my foes are domeless, but god bless the dead//
\especially those in 9/11, just picture the dread//
those people came across, but to anybody whos lost//
somebody, it aint easy, it’s the hardest thing it cause//
a lot tears, like the holocaust, so many innocent died//
just cuz they jewish the Nazis made em fry//
our world is hopeless, we just cant seem to focus//
on the more important things like the hocus-pocus//
our government puts in our brains, to hide us//
from the things that remind us but they still disquise us//
but now all that happens, is goin down the drain//
n wuts up with the media, why the hell the world insane//

So many questions, but nows I gots to sleep//
Tryin to find out the meanin y life so deep//
y so many people dien, cuz the hill of life 2 steep//
these questions come n go in my dreamz of sleep//
So many questions, but nows I gots to sleep//
Tryin to find out the meanin y life so deep//
y so many people dien, cuz the hill of life 2 steep//
these questions come n go in my dreamz of sleep//


I don’t understand, why the people of the world suffer//
Its sad wathcin fathers die to give their famlies supper//
when a lady gets deported, while she preparing a new crib//
And has two kids, damn give these kids a chance to live//
But no they send em back to crappy conditions//
Now this poor family gunna hafta make a livin outta fishin//
And all the innocent people who go to prison//
Its horrible watchin these peoples families get divisions//
And now Africa runnin outta money to stop aids//
all those other people inexpert cuz they cant get good grades//
hopefully sometime this ignorant world will change//
I know everyone on the planet earth wishin 4 these days//

So many questions, but nows I gots to sleep//
Tryin to find out the meanin y life so deep//
so many people cuz the hill of life 2 steep//
these questions come n go in my dreamz of sleep//


im thinkin about puttin this in audio, what yall think

feedback please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's a pretty busic, often written bout subject.
The catagories ppl use to define the overall appeal of a piece..
Metaphores, Vocabulairy etc..
If one would judge your piece solely on that..
Chances are big u'd get a D+ at best.
Im not tryin to put your down just read what i said above..
U'll understand.
But as you dig deeper into a piece u always stumble upon a message.
Yours was obvious..didnt require alot of diggin' but still attracted -- Me to read on..
A emotional piece is always hard..so sometimes the formulation of ur words may seem 'childish' but your effort shows.
Keep writin, increase your vocabulairy n try to put more effort,
Into ur imagery and 'role play'.
Good Luck.

thanx for tha feedback, imma fix it up i need to anyway, more feedback please

nice shit keep ya head up and work on punches

damn this aint a battle verse, but anyway thanx 4 the feedback, still uppin 4 feedback please

I challenge you all. In The Rapsss..........


















bishes!

thanx for the feedback ,anyway, still uppin "bishes"

WHAT THIS KID SAID... it was a good drop... but its like this... try to find concepts that you wouldn't Normally see or notice newhere... thats the point of writtin in the first place... undastand where you comin from on the piece... but be more... ORIGINAL...

Caesar - On3

PEANUT HEAD ... YOUR GONNA GET BANNED YOU IDIOT