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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
01-23-04, 06:35 PM
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#1
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young mike-young bangers-
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tired of being poor and broke
IP: 4577 CD9A
im sitten in the dark with no lights thet got shut off //
this shit grimmy even my mom took off// i been wearing the same clothes for three days// the repo man even took my tooth paste// im so poor and im so broke// i tryed to kill my self but could'nt afford a rope// i tryed to over dose off of trazidone// i robed the nigga that broke in my home// no one gave me any change even though i showed respect// im so broke the operorater would'nt let me call collect// look at the following leave a 1-10 ranking
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JR.delinquents Last edited by young mike : 01-24-04 at 08:17 AM. Reason: had to fix a few words |
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01-23-04, 08:08 PM
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#2
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young mike-young bangers-
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IP: 4577 CD9A
upin thoughs people
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JR.delinquents |
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01-23-04, 11:07 PM
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#3
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young mike-young bangers-
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IP: 399E F0FD
ayo people dont sleep on this
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JR.delinquents |
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01-24-04, 08:08 AM
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#4
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young mike-young bangers-
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IP: C1DA C961
DoNt SlEeP oN tHiS sHiT
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JR.delinquents |
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01-24-04, 08:43 AM
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#5
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Guest
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IP: 4CEF 0D91
It was a good small piece...it was basic but it still flowed
I liked how you put humor to such a bad situation. |
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01-24-04, 08:53 AM
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#6
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young mike-young bangers-
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IP: 399E F0FD
thanks dawg you was real honest with it ill hit you up if you want ...upin more thoughts
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JR.delinquents |
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01-24-04, 10:57 AM
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#7
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Guest
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IP: 8336 096D
not very good low vocab could be better elevate and try it again it was good for what it is...
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01-24-04, 11:29 AM
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#8
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young mike-young bangers-
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IP: C1DA C961
still upin thoughts
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JR.delinquents |
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01-24-04, 11:32 AM
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#9
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: C1DA C961
..You seriously need to elevate..all the open mics I've read from were terrible..read other peoples open mics(I'm sure you already do)and learn and take pointers..cause this was terrible..you can only get better...
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01-24-04, 12:53 PM
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#10
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1E
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IP: 5AF5 5CA5
basic... ya need to liven it up... throw some internals in and some decent vocab... and be original... and get a good flow going...
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01-24-04, 03:26 PM
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#11
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New to RB
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IP: 742D 1A94
I liked the humor but it was a bit basic try throwin in some more complex words and sentences and you'll have urself a decent open mike
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01-24-04, 07:50 PM
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#12
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young mike-young bangers-
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IP: C1DA C961
more thoughts
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JR.delinquents |
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01-25-04, 11:51 AM
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#13
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young mike-young bangers-
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IP: 4577 CD9A
atleast one more thought
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JR.delinquents |
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01-25-04, 11:08 PM
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#14
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young mike-young bangers-
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IP: 4577 CD9A
one more come on
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JR.delinquents |
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01-25-04, 11:54 PM
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#15
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Flyweight
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IP: EB27 E87F
Aight man, it was good but I saw lots of room for improvement, for instance on your choice of vocab, and it was kind of stretched out for me, it felt like it was tuffer to read like that but that's just me. Keep raisin your own bar and improving.
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