The buildin blocks of a broken soul are completely rearranged...
I told u I wish to change,but you fail to understand the in place chains...

I bleed a rapid pace,starin completely into space...
deep thoughts drown out all sound....
"are you okl"

I nod my head but im really shed tears inside my shattered soul...
walkin on the canvas of coals...
which reignites when my temper just loses control...

Breathin in substance to decompose depression...
another smoke session,as my lungs become dissected...
just a minor form perspective....
of the hurt that penetrates...
inside the silent souls of this worlds abnormal holes but riccochets...
is the hate u wish to share...
just because I fail to fake my happiness...
you walk away shakin your head the ledge unfastens...
froma new foundation perhaps,to lead down the road to recovery which now collapses...
depression,obsession,possessin my heart in bandages....

They say I pity myself so deeply but fail to view what lies beneath the...
excess skin which denies warmth of a soul which peirces when...
I walk on ice so thin,the tears represent the pool...
drownin myself in personal ridicule...
reversal from warm temperatures....

this poem was deep and it contained pure pain penskills. I recieve a meaning from this poem its that smoking eases you but hurt you at the same time and makes it worse. The rest is just falling in a pool of anguish and suffering i guess. tight poem.

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Ya shit is no competition like 'trucker hats' against some 'fitteds'
nigga I'll fade u away like J's on the ballin court in a 'arcura' wit 'tinteds' -mindkontrol

none yall niggas wanna see me...

..Thanks for the feedback...Uppin..

Heh. Yer avatar always gets my attention. So...quaint.

The piece is not. Though there is nothing wrong with quaint. This seems to carry on from your other pieces of recent time (i think). In the sense it leaks such pain and angst. In an unstructured, on the edge kind of way. Where it comes together depending on how you read it. And how many times you read it...

...it does tail off once or twice. Becomes slightly 'settled', but too settled in a way. Which therefore does loose some rythm. But for me, it adds something to the piece. The imperfection of feelings, pain, angst. I mean overall, it's a flaw. And the portrayl of those imperfections could be better done. But nonetheless it does depict the imperfections in a certain way.

Good piece.

...resp...

Thanks for the break-down..

..Can I get some more love????

just uppin..cause i'm bored..^^

very nice pen. the pain is clearly expressed, and the imagery is excellent...sorry for the pathetic feedback, but i'm on a library comp. and they don't allow us to be on these kinda sites...stupid...haha.

it was a straight poem though.

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Dam penskillz, maybe not one of ya best but i enjoyed this one jsut as much as ure latest open mics.

Breakdown: You had alot of sorrow and pain in this one, but sadly thats how i related to it. It was very true, and spoken from tha heart, u didnt just write it to geed feedback, and i enjoyed that. U mastered the structure, and emotion was clearly visible. A very enjoyable poem, Thank you for the read

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