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02-16-04, 07:07 PM | #1 | ||||||
New to RB
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daydreaming
IP: 658A 08CB
One day i walked home from school
this guy came up to be and called me a fool he wanted to fight me i took my broken wrist with a cast and hit em in da knee he fuckin layin on da sidewalk and crying and sreaming then i woke up and notice i was daydreaming i was sitting at my desk in first hour and there was the guy who called me a coward so i went over ther and started a fight i know that this aint right but i wanted to prove that i am not scared this all started as one big dare the teachers in the corner just staring looks like they are curious the principle looks furious then i woke up at home daydreaming
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Brandon Kerpics |
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02-16-04, 07:54 PM | #2 | |||
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IP: 3DEF 9A9C
hmm....topic was alright. You were fighting people over and over and you keep finding out its daydreaming. To me this was a symbol of having no life, that everything is not waht u think it is, but i think too much . Overall it wasn't that great, i mean u got alot to improve on. First of all you should try to use a higher vocabulary in ure words, and really express your feelings. I didnt see much emotion in this piece, but good job.
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02-16-04, 09:40 PM | #3 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: 6DDD 9131
100 times beda then that otha piece...
im srry that other one just seemed like a joke... this is an ok piece...interestin to read id say a 7 fo 10 an the only thin id work on if i was u is imagry...an rememba u dun always have to rhyme...it aint a rule in poetry
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~â€-LiBeRaTe Me!â€-~
CuZ Im PoEtIcAlLy UnStOpPaBlE
Read My Shit & Gimme Respect
I.J.L. Liberating All From Whack Ass Rhymes
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