![]() |
|
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Odi et Amo
|
![]() IP: C962 44DD
'Creezzzzzzzzie'
(Hot,tall,totally creezie,sweet like candy, rich_lil_gangsta) When i first saw u, didn't know what to think. I thought you were a big showoff, always acting tough against your friends. But i noticed you're sweeter than i imagined,you're all right! The only problem is that it ain't gonna happen between us coz... Ya don't know me, you only hear them talk bad 'bout me, they're calling me a slut and they're telling u not to believe me. But just look in my eyes, would never lie to u, you're always on my mind, i'm freakin' out when i'm not close to u! Or u sure it ain't gonna happen? Coz ya don't know what you're missin', i would give u everything, my soul, my mind, my heart... You're my extasy, you make me high, higher than the best stuff u can buy! I know that we haven't really talked yet but things can change, i wanna do anything just to make u see that we belong together! I love the way you goof around, always hangin' with your friends. I'm creezie 'bout the way you shoot some pool, you're so hot... Everytime u walk by, my friends need to bring me back down to earth coz you're not mine.Doesn't matter how much i like u, if u don't want me, there's nothing i can do about it... Tried to wear fancy clothes, dress up, call u, but that didn't help a bit. But i keep on tryin coz i see a little spark in your eyes when u look @ me, so maybe it's not over yet... U know what,if u really feel somethin' for me,it won't bother u what your friends or other peepz say. So what's it gonna be? Do u want me or do i have to find another man? I'm goin' creezie! *Just started with writing some stuff so don't shoot me, got plenty of things i need to learn but i'm doin' everyhing i can so what'd u think? |
||||
![]() ![]() ![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
|||||||
Drop Of Genius
|
IP: DF7B C8F7
Erm I wont shoot ya but....
This was poor Your structure seriously needs sortin out, as does your rhymin, imagination and originality....basically everythin. You need a lot of practice to elevate but the more you practice the better you'll get. Drop a comment on mine...link is in my sig |
|||||||
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Odi et Amo
|
IP: C962 44DD
Thanks, yeah i know, this wasn't a very serious one, my first i've writtin actually. I'll practice, btw, if you got some good advice, it's more than welcome
![]() |
||||
![]() ![]() ![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Banned: Spamming
|
IP: 4779 5259
I'm not really into stuff like this...^^
^Like LM said you do need a bit of work...but we all do..so...good luck on your next piece...~Click~Click~my sig~~~...Broken Dreams.. |
||||
![]() ![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Odi et Amo
|
IP: C962 44DD
Thanks, btw, your Broken Dreams are superb! I'm into some deeper stuff right now (this first text was written a few months ago, got more serious issues to write about right now, i'm working hard
![]() ![]() ![]() |
||||
![]() ![]() ![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|