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03-06-04, 03:19 PM | #1 | |||||||
New to RB
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pergatory
IP: 0645 CB48
yo im feelin kinda caught between heaven and hells kinda hot,
suspended in time comin up with rhymes losin my mind in this madness. do i apply what i know or just forget what im taught so distruaght, searchin for the awnsers in a world of sadness. so confuzed what did i lose i spend my life feeling used and abused, i woke up in a dream wanting to scream cant come to grips with what is real, i have to deal with the paths i chose, and express the issues i feel.
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Pain is abscence of tolerance its the emptyness that conqueres the mind body and soul |
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03-07-04, 02:17 AM | #2 | ||||||
Flyweight
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IP: C1DA C961
yo, that was pretty personal.
but you need to work on have equal syllables on each line. work on that and it will look more like a poem.
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stay true, cuzez |
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03-24-04, 03:25 AM | #3 | ||||
....Trunks R 4 Bodies....
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IP: 0ABC 464B
yah it was a hard read for a poem
but i love the topic one love........ |
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03-24-04, 03:03 PM | #4 | ||||
yawn
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IP: 06D4 9403
yeah the structure was messed up with the rhyming you used. Was kind of hard for me to read to, thoug it was pretty good.
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do your research. |
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