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Old 04-27-04, 04:50 PM   #1
TfLaMeZ
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"thoughts" (rate this for me)

IP: 7BE2 A0A1

i know it's long, but please tell me what you think
its somethin i wrote while i was at school today

(Verse 1)
to many thoughts to many emotions/
so much negativity, to many bad notions/
my life wont elevate, stuck in a state of demotion//
secretly seeking any piece of advice/
for a reason to keep livin and value one life/
to many screw ups, but i can't live twice/
livin so much wrong, suddenly payin the price//
now the way that i think can manifest/
for the fact that my thoughts'll never rest/
i just walk through life only envying the best/
like a contest only full of hate and detest/
it's like, no wonder the world and its people lack so much respect/
and because of all the people subject to disrespect/
the only thing we're left to do is sit and vent//
i try to see through what they call the real world/
its impossible, when you realize its reality unfurled//
i'm still hit in the face with what the world's become/
i finally realized my problems are impossible to overcome/
i'm beginning to realize that with life i'm near done//
i keep striving to live until i realize nothin's left/
only leading back to all the times i question where it went//
all this shit comin up day after day doesn't fix it/
the only thing i hear from my family is get with it/
they wonder why i'm pissed, i just dont want life or to be in it/
i try and try to explain why i can't fix it, but they just dont get it//
tryin to survive these troubles got me breakin a sweat/
but i still got people tellin me dont fret/
i can't help it, i'm scared of the next problem i'm gonna get//
thats all my life is, is dealing and hoping/
questioning life, only healing and coping/
too much to handle, no feeling, no joking//
tryin to lighten up, but its just not working/
i even try to use all this wording/
it comes close, but its still not working//
(Chorus x3)
we try to live but life's confusing/
we try to win, but we're still losing/
try to cry, but we're just refusing/
gonna dye, but its just amusing/
all these broken goals we're pursuing/
got us dyin to live, just left choosing/
(Verse 2)
there's to many obstacles to over come them all/
they life's like a mountain, but for me its just a wall//
life is the one real test that anyone can take/
it proves all the lies, cheats, and backstabbing fakes/
and lately there's barely any room for mistakes//
leading to all these attempts at perfection/
crossing vein people stuck in your perception/
nowadays there's no such things as good deception//
life's just the beginning, then come the contents/
intertwining with the wrong people, and screwed concepts/
we just walk around not caring, livin' crude precepts/
waiting to judge, dis, putdown, and annoy rejects//
but you've never put on their shoes/
you never had to deal with all these wrong moves/
we try to infuse, but only confuse, when left to chose/
we see past the real facts, chosing to lose/
you people gotta understand, that its life itself we mis-use////
no matter what life does,we still gotta deal with it/
life throws obstacles, thas why we should commit to it/
but when we have problems we barely even admit to it//
no matter how much you wanna blow up and fight it/
no matter what anger you got, you can't ignite it//
people get the wrong ideas, and have no understanding/
nowadays, the world owes so much every question is demanding//
so now we're stuck with dealing/
with the same old crap, regaining bad feelings/
still left with the process of repealing the feelings/
that gave us so much trouble, left us concealing//
there's no way around, we gotta keep going/
there's no way around, thats why i keep flowing/
i dont give up tryin to solve these problems i'm undergoing/
cuz in the end, i'm the one that keeps growing////
(Chorus x3)
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Old 04-27-04, 11:19 PM   #2
TfLaMeZ
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IP: C1DA C961

i know its long, but, i'd really like some feedback
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Old 04-27-04, 11:28 PM   #3
Mentalz
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Deep shit Cat...The flow was shaky in parts; Mostly in the begining...but you brought it back an' kept with it. Basic Vocab and wordplay, You used alot of the same words over and over...some that stick out: Choice/Chose - It... Try ta' Expand on those areas...Structure was ok, Nice drop over all.

Peace.
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Old 04-28-04, 05:47 PM   #4
TfLaMeZ
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IP: 4289 77F4

thanx for the comments man
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