RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases > Poetic Scriptures
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 12-13-04, 03:13 PM   #1
Crossword
yawn
 
Posts: 1,882
Joined: Feb 2004
From: cNY
Status: Offline
Just a Vent

IP: CB2A 9D70

This was just a poem i wrote to vent on a girl who was a good friend at one time, but ended up being a stalkerish type freak... Freakin about relationship... Something i definantly didnt want... Especially since she was a bit... uhh... nasty.



Quit searching a crystal ball
As you dance on shattered glass
I hear your every move
And I'd just like you to quit
Quit this game of charades
My mind doesn't flow with your brook
But at the pace you are moving
It will surely corrupt and destroy
Quicker then it ever would
Then it ever would if we rafted down your brook
You tip-toed around the beast for far too long
But you’ve dropped too many items on the way
And now when he awoke,
The first thing you did was provoke
Provoke a deeper evil then you should have
Don’t ask for what you don’t want
And don’t ask for something
From someone with nothing
Who cares what we have to say though
We are just products of crippled emotion
Sitting here observing
Eyes wide watching
Viewing this hypocritical game you run
Every heart that beats knows of the game I speak
So swallow your craving for blood
I already have been sucked dry
I already have had my heart placed in a lead box
And dropped to the depths of my ocean of tears
I already have had all of my emotions scorched
Black as charcoal, cinders still slowly burn
I hope you lie awake every night
__________________

do your research.


Send a message via AIM to Crossword Send a message via Yahoo to Crossword   Reply With Quote
Old 12-13-04, 03:27 PM   #2
fluidmoon
<<-Carpe Noctum->>
 
fluidmoon's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,183
Joined: Jun 2004
From: NEW YORK
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 2-0
IP: 0825 899A

This was very good, your words were descriptive and this poem was cut and dry, your feelings shown thru here as well, and all of your stanzas flowed into eachother fluidly, nice job man, i'd like to see more of your work..1
__________________
"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI"

O Y D

*FluidMusic*


*Poetic Scriptures Moderator*
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-04, 11:33 AM   #3
Acuity
Rastafari Walk Tall
 
Acuity's Avatar
 
Posts: 4,527
Joined: Aug 2004
From: East London, (Hackney)
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 15-9
IP: B220 6664

dope.....full of imagery man didnt jus go 4 vocab n stuff and dat was tight.........nice structure and it flowed well with what u were tryin2 say...

overall-8/10
__________________

"His Imperial Majesty Haile Selassie I, Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah, King of Kings of Ethiopia and Elect of God"

Blog

Graphic Designer, Illustrator, Web Designer

  Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-04, 01:29 PM   #4
Lil C
Middle Weight
 
Lil C's Avatar
 
Posts: 511
Joined: Sep 2004
From: Detroit
Status: Offline
Text Record: 4-9
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 11AF 50EC

^^yea exactly wat they said.......good structure, n u didnt focus on vocab n wat not, n it flowed well........8/10
Send a message via AIM to Lil C Send a message via Yahoo to Lil C   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-04, 10:03 PM   #5
Crossword
yawn
 
Posts: 1,882
Joined: Feb 2004
From: cNY
Status: Offline
IP: CB2A 9D70

word, thanks... Was just a quick 10-15 type up anyways... So it was just straight though after thought.
Up.
__________________

do your research.


Send a message via AIM to Crossword Send a message via Yahoo to Crossword   Reply With Quote
Old 12-16-04, 10:21 PM   #6
Wet Willy
.::Outside The Circle::.
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Dec 2004
Status: Offline
Text Record: 4-0
IP: 3B54 8295

yeah this is nice.. i dont like the whole brook concept.. but it had a lot of feeling...
__________________
Send a message via AIM to Wet Willy   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:40 AM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.