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yawn
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Just a Vent
IP: CB2A 9D70
This was just a poem i wrote to vent on a girl who was a good friend at one time, but ended up being a stalkerish type freak... Freakin about relationship... Something i definantly didnt want... Especially since she was a bit... uhh... nasty.
Quit searching a crystal ball As you dance on shattered glass I hear your every move And I'd just like you to quit Quit this game of charades My mind doesn't flow with your brook But at the pace you are moving It will surely corrupt and destroy Quicker then it ever would Then it ever would if we rafted down your brook You tip-toed around the beast for far too long But you’ve dropped too many items on the way And now when he awoke, The first thing you did was provoke Provoke a deeper evil then you should have Don’t ask for what you don’t want And don’t ask for something From someone with nothing Who cares what we have to say though We are just products of crippled emotion Sitting here observing Eyes wide watching Viewing this hypocritical game you run Every heart that beats knows of the game I speak So swallow your craving for blood I already have been sucked dry I already have had my heart placed in a lead box And dropped to the depths of my ocean of tears I already have had all of my emotions scorched Black as charcoal, cinders still slowly burn I hope you lie awake every night
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<<-Carpe Noctum->>
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IP: 0825 899A
This was very good, your words were descriptive and this poem was cut and dry, your feelings shown thru here as well, and all of your stanzas flowed into eachother fluidly, nice job man, i'd like to see more of your work..1
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"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI" O Y D ![]() ![]() *FluidMusic* *Poetic Scriptures Moderator* |
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Rastafari Walk Tall
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IP: B220 6664
dope.....full of imagery man didnt jus go 4 vocab n stuff and dat was tight.........nice structure and it flowed well with what u were tryin2 say...
overall-8/10
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"His Imperial Majesty Haile Selassie I, Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah, King of Kings of Ethiopia and Elect of God" Blog Graphic Designer, Illustrator, Web Designer |
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Middle Weight
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IP: 11AF 50EC
^^yea exactly wat they said.......good structure, n u didnt focus on vocab n wat not, n it flowed well........8/10
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yawn
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IP: CB2A 9D70
word, thanks... Was just a quick 10-15 type up anyways... So it was just straight though after thought.
Up.
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.::Outside The Circle::.
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IP: 3B54 8295
yeah this is nice.. i dont like the whole brook concept.. but it had a lot of feeling...
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