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02-08-05, 09:49 PM | #1 | |||||||
Is F'in Bored
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Feel The Emotion
IP: A4E7 A821
A lot of things exist we really can't see
like the air we even breathe and our gravity we have a blind faith in wimsical things gods as mystical kings is it possible emotion is a physical thing see when you're nervous your mind races your heart paces your knees get weak you can't sleep dead on your feet you start sweating and your hands shake motor skills deteriorate feel your exterior's inferior wait when your tense their's tension everywhere you feel it right cut it with a knife in fifty slices like a pie and might, take a bite shoulders tight muscles flexxed rustle respect for yourself tussle regret to the death along with thoughts of failure fail or pour in hate and everyone can corrolate that's just anger and fear's - subordinate but anyway even hear a name and anger enters your blood and hones burns up your blood muscle tones hard as stones not unlike your bones listen saddness and pain hurt by the baddness and rain you feel their pain radiate from their vein's in waves tightness in your throat the feeling in your waist feeling your a waste tears streaming down your face feeling disgraced with a throbbing headache chokin on wailsand painful thoughts caught moaping laying physically mental and emotionally heartbroken and happiness is radiance steady increasing gradience you live in glee and feed off your light and others will parasite (space)unhappy thoughts are only memories no enemies this glee is so into me to infinity i'm feeling divinity glee is shimmering light hearted i could float away my footsteps feeling easier my air is cool it's breezier (space)then there's love no feeling above symbolized by hearts and hugs kisses and doves so vicious is love your mind clean but you dream of the subject to the point where two days without a word go by you start to get upset ball in the pit of your stomach fluttering butterflies warm in the winter cold chills you feel in the summertime underline summertime time which you spent together no matter the weather whether forever it's dry or wetter it's better your eyes together the time you spend is pure splendor and whether the ender's lesser or better you'll never forget her and never say never this emotion's reduced the thugs playboys players or cuz and studs to puddles of mud and love, passing through can create all of the above make you feel low as a slug or high as a dove that's why it's love so let's review although i only said a few i figure this is plenty all i need proceeded to proove nervousness can weigh you down happiness can lift you up breathing love it's in the air and the tension can get cut hate manifests on the inside gets ready too blow up and that's not all of the emotions it's hard to know what does what but if you take a hollow bottle and bottle em up then pitch it alone their harmless regardless together can cause a sickness and even physical problems bubblin cauldrons of cancer (space)lookin for solutions to questions that have no answer without a chance or, maybe i just convinced you an argumentative issue stuck in your intuitive tissue have i stirred your curiousity my mind is motionless still cause that's an emotion too but curiousity kills
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My SpellBook Fuck being creative, you guys have certainly given up on it
GET DOPER Knowledge is Power, Stop being Weak The Legend of Blackmage Featuring such heads as...Tha Q, 9th degree, Enygma,The green team, Big J and probably you! SO DON'T SLEEP!Coming soon to a soundclick near you...
........Shit.....Nigga.......
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02-11-05, 02:50 PM | #2 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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IP: 3E91 F3D5
This was LONG ass read but it was nice though. Structure needs some fixing though, could've divided it into paragraphs or seperate poems (feedback will come quicker). The emotion was raw and I was definately feeling what you were trying to say here. Liked the continuous change of pace in your poem, your vocab was good and imagery was tight.It'll be hard to get much feedback on this, maybe you can edit it and make it bit shorter (divide it into several poems). Just a thought...shame to see this getting wasted you know...
DQ
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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02-18-05, 03:37 PM | #3 | |||||||
Is F'in Bored
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IP: A4E7 A821
i really need some feed on this yall come on..........
__________________
My SpellBook Fuck being creative, you guys have certainly given up on it
GET DOPER Knowledge is Power, Stop being Weak The Legend of Blackmage Featuring such heads as...Tha Q, 9th degree, Enygma,The green team, Big J and probably you! SO DON'T SLEEP!Coming soon to a soundclick near you...
........Shit.....Nigga.......
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02-18-05, 05:25 PM | #4 | ||||||
-Not On My Level-
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IP: 0D2F 5926
pretty good fam. work on your styructure and vocab. other than that it was cool. 7.5/10
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02-18-05, 08:14 PM | #5 | |||||||
Banned: Cheating
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IP: 8A1A D0A3
nice rhymes dawg
good job |
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02-20-05, 09:41 PM | #6 | |||||
Banned: Cheating
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IP: A3EA 639E
good job nawmean just work on ur structure & fix it up wordplay wise like ur 1st 2 & u'll b good 2 go
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