RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 05-28-05, 06:53 PM   #1
Paranoid
The Paragraph President
 
Paranoid's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,248
Joined: Apr 2005
From: Sask, Canada
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 2-1
Unburied Corpse

IP: 6BC9 4CDE

Unburied Corpse
A troubled man diagnosed with such a terrible Disease
Tormenting him, unable to walk cause of his Knees
People misjudging him, apparently using Authority
Serious damage to the brain, to heal is the Priority
All the temptation, he couldn’t break the Frustration
Every mission of possible actions, brought a Donation
Fate tangling on the side, judgments over Mentality
Using pathetic strategy’s, of defining perfected Fatality
Tempted curses, the worst messages it doesn’t Benefit
Split thoughts, creeping his dreams, he was unable to Quit
Nor able to admit, his misjudgement wasn’t his Creation
A lot of people debating, does he really need a Vacation?
Needing decisions, a lot thought he needed an Incision
Possibly trying to earn a precision, only to see the Vision
Never provided with food, technically he lost Weight
Unable to think straight, he fought defending his own Fate
God behind every move he made, his reality pulled Strong
Never wrong, depending on vocals of speech for a Song
Surprising his mind, which wasn’t divine, he thought was Fine
People speaking behind his back, broke his horrible Spine
Reunited with his family, the strength was only Guaranteed
His grand-children, young little seeds, death was Agreed
He’d think apparently, waiting for the doctors special Word
Every moment was absurd, even if dying was Preferred
Penalizing all his thoughts, his brain shot dead as a Illusion
Unable to think, his heart stopped throbbing in Confusion
His family worried, with no technical clue of what Materialized
The disease had spread, unable to feel he was Penalized
Still in the doctors room, lying in the bed all alone just Dead
His family crying, horrified with glorified thoughts to Dread
__________________
I don't jack beats; I borrow them.



My Myspace
My Soundclick
Send a message via AIM to Paranoid Send a message via MSN to Paranoid   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-05, 06:59 PM   #2
Paranoid
The Paragraph President
 
Paranoid's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,248
Joined: Apr 2005
From: Sask, Canada
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 2-1
IP: 6BC9 4CDE

__________________
I don't jack beats; I borrow them.



My Myspace
My Soundclick
Send a message via AIM to Paranoid Send a message via MSN to Paranoid   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-05, 08:33 PM   #3
G Deuce
Artist, that simple
 
G Deuce's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,545
Joined: Mar 2004
From: The Underworld
Status: Offline
Text Record: 13-3
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 28AD 5545

great open mic..............

very good storyline that flowed from beginning to end...........the only suggestion that i would make is that it seemed that you were to concerned with the rhyming of the ending words, which made it seem choppy in some places, but practice will eliminate that........otherwise, solid om........

rate -
8.5/10
__________________
Grim
Send a message via AIM to G Deuce   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-05, 08:35 PM   #4
Paranoid
The Paragraph President
 
Paranoid's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,248
Joined: Apr 2005
From: Sask, Canada
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 2-1
IP: 6BC9 4CDE

thanks a lot yea i kinda rushed shit. uppin
__________________
I don't jack beats; I borrow them.



My Myspace
My Soundclick
Send a message via AIM to Paranoid Send a message via MSN to Paranoid   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-05, 02:05 AM   #5
Paranoid
The Paragraph President
 
Paranoid's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,248
Joined: Apr 2005
From: Sask, Canada
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 2-1
IP: 6BC9 4CDE

uppin............
__________________
I don't jack beats; I borrow them.



My Myspace
My Soundclick
Send a message via AIM to Paranoid Send a message via MSN to Paranoid   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-05, 02:20 AM   #6
Kawn Flixx
FUCK STROBE
 
Kawn Flixx's Avatar
 
Posts: 11,115
Joined: Aug 2003
Status: Offline
Text Record: 70-13
IP: 809F 6740

this was a pretty good drop i was really feeling it nice job you had lots of emotions , and good imagery, very creative topic..Nice wordplay na vocab , nice worden i was really feeling it, structure and flow was on point it was really a good drop..keep it up
__________________
The Competition


Send a message via AIM to Kawn Flixx Send a message via MSN to Kawn Flixx   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-05, 02:38 AM   #7
M&rk
10:23 till i'm 86
 
M&rk's Avatar
 
Posts: 4,136
Joined: Jan 2004
From: Michigan
Status: Offline
Text Record: 32-23
Audio Record: 1-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 3EC9 2F38

Unable to think, his heart stopped throbbing in Confusion
^^^
cool ass metaphor... little subtle but i think i got it.
__________________


Big Pic- Whore of the World ( youtube video)


Jesus saves, even from paranoia

myspace.com/marktimothyschafer
my reverbnation.com page
Send a message via AIM to M&rk Send a message via MSN to M&rk   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-05, 02:56 PM   #8
Paranoid
The Paragraph President
 
Paranoid's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,248
Joined: Apr 2005
From: Sask, Canada
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 2-1
IP: 6BC9 4CDE

thanks a lot.

uppin
__________________
I don't jack beats; I borrow them.



My Myspace
My Soundclick
Send a message via AIM to Paranoid Send a message via MSN to Paranoid   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-05, 02:59 PM   #9
Ysdat
Whys That?
 
Posts: 2,007
Joined: Sep 2004
Status: Offline
Text Record: 11-0
Audio Record: 2-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 5285 DC82

good emotion in this bro! I like the way you use diffrent imagery to have an original line. you have a good range of vocab. I liked this drop....
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-05, 01:40 AM   #10
Paranoid
The Paragraph President
 
Paranoid's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,248
Joined: Apr 2005
From: Sask, Canada
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 2-1
IP: 6BC9 4CDE

thanks a lot uppin..
__________________
I don't jack beats; I borrow them.



My Myspace
My Soundclick
Send a message via AIM to Paranoid Send a message via MSN to Paranoid   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-05, 11:13 PM   #11
~Lady Fiya~
~*Duchess of Metaphors*~
 
~Lady Fiya~'s Avatar
 
Posts: 4,458
Joined: Apr 2004
From: chi-town
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 3-0
IP: 07A8 D079

wow, you really have elevated. you one of the members on here, who try to make their drops better, i'm proud of you and glad to see you dropping hot stuff like this..

favorite set up:
Surprising his mind, which wasn’t divine, he thought was Fine
People speaking behind his back, broke his horrible Spine
Reunited with his family, the strength was only Guaranteed
His grand-children, young little seeds, death was Agreed

nice imagery, vocab was perfect for this type of drop, it flowed well throughout, kept my attention and had a nice story-line.. nice topic to branch off from it got a little wordy towards the end but for the most part it was just fine.
i really am proud of you, good job..
__________________
Send a message via AIM to ~Lady Fiya~ Send a message via MSN to ~Lady Fiya~ Send a message via Yahoo to ~Lady Fiya~   Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-05, 12:37 AM   #12
Paranoid
The Paragraph President
 
Paranoid's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,248
Joined: Apr 2005
From: Sask, Canada
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 2-1
IP: 6BC9 4CDE

thanks a lot Fiya and i dont hate you. i love you

uppin
__________________
I don't jack beats; I borrow them.



My Myspace
My Soundclick
Send a message via AIM to Paranoid Send a message via MSN to Paranoid   Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-05, 02:33 PM   #13
Paranoid
The Paragraph President
 
Paranoid's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,248
Joined: Apr 2005
From: Sask, Canada
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 2-1
IP: 6BC9 4CDE

uppin...........
__________________
I don't jack beats; I borrow them.



My Myspace
My Soundclick
Send a message via AIM to Paranoid Send a message via MSN to Paranoid   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-05, 10:18 PM   #14
Paranoid
The Paragraph President
 
Paranoid's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,248
Joined: Apr 2005
From: Sask, Canada
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 2-1
IP: 6BC9 4CDE

uppin...........
__________________
I don't jack beats; I borrow them.



My Myspace
My Soundclick
Send a message via AIM to Paranoid Send a message via MSN to Paranoid   Reply With Quote
Old 06-12-05, 11:33 PM   #15
Paranoid
The Paragraph President
 
Paranoid's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,248
Joined: Apr 2005
From: Sask, Canada
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 2-1
IP: 6BC9 4CDE

uppin..........
__________________
I don't jack beats; I borrow them.



My Myspace
My Soundclick
Send a message via AIM to Paranoid Send a message via MSN to Paranoid   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:26 AM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.