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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
06-27-05, 04:40 AM
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#1
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Ka.Nek.ShuN
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"How Do I Say This?"
IP: 7F23 8EDF
this is my first Rv Poem so dont be downin it to much.. Words... lose value at my lips in my mind I've painted the perfect portrait and at the expense of broken silence it becomes not worth it at times silence cushions the elbow in my side that urges the utterance of truth How do I say This? I've done more damage than healing the band-aids have worn and the wounds still ache yes. the bleeding has stopped but my hands are hard, I'm clumsy, and I bite my nails does this look like a heart-haven for you? Don't make me hold it I'm afraid of dropping it at my feet and not being able remove the stain from my soul How do I say This? softly... I love you. enough to hurt you so the callous that forms will protect you if truth and lies hurts, I'll give you both with that, know this at your own discretion How do I say This? yes. I love you. FEATURED,NICE JOB~fluid
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.::BattleZ::. Last edited by fluidmoon : 07-11-05 at 01:49 PM. |
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06-27-05, 05:48 AM
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#2
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Odi et Amo
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IP: DDFB 95DD
Nice piece right here with very strong and pure emotion. I love the concept of it all even though it has probably been done before but then again what hasn't? Enjoy how you repeat the "How do I say this" three times and go into detail afterwards. It's nicely divided into several parts, showing the person's feelings and fear to say what he wants to say.
Keep going boy 
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Authentik Intelligence  ...The future is mine... |
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06-27-05, 05:51 AM
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#3
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Ka.Nek.ShuN
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IP: 7F23 8EDF
thankyou DQ feed back appreciated, more pleaseeee
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.::BattleZ::. |
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06-27-05, 12:31 PM
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#4
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...
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IP: CF4E 8780
a tad bit played but still a very nice piece . for a first poem this was nice ... how long did it take you? but yea i was feeling the structure...the best part about this though was the emotion very nice
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Â-balam balam i treat yall like cans of spam Free Time...  I Live the Lifestyle You Want to Live Secret Society/Cut Throat |
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06-28-05, 07:55 AM
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#5
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Poet's Daughter.
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IP: 4DC7 DE51
I like your style...and the concept was nice...The approach you took was good. The best aspect from your verse was the emotion. Elevate on vocab, and the imaginary. Use decent meta'z next time. But this was nice for a first poem, had good emotion. I liked your style.
Keep it up...Leave feed on my poem called "Writer Blocks"
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mystery Is a Freak!! ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life. Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8 ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do. Smartone Freal:  ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged* |
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06-28-05, 07:59 AM
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#6
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Ka.Nek.ShuN
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IP: 7F23 8EDF
yes mam! werd thanks for the feed!
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.::BattleZ::. |
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06-28-05, 06:43 PM
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#7
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<<-Carpe Noctum->>
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IP: 3240 794D
Beautifully written poem man, this had a nice flow to it, and your vocabulary described everything so well, nice emotion and it was heartfelt as well, this piece showed your style too, and for a first, great job,keep dropping.1
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"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI" O Y D   *FluidMusic* *Poetic Scriptures Moderator* |
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06-28-05, 10:28 PM
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#8
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Ka.Nek.ShuN
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IP: 7F23 8EDF
thanks fluid
 werd.. bump....
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.::BattleZ::. |
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