I wish it’d just stop stop stop
So I could take a second, a brief intervention
A pausing second, so I could just reflect and mention
Stop being tested so I could start resting
And actually enjoy my youth before I get my pension
I swear we all rush so much
Never take the time to love and to touch
It’s like we get the money and then we pay the bills
And then work ‘til we’re sick and then we all take the pills
But we never reflect we just wait for mirror-kills (miracles)
I don’t know why we don’t just make for the hills
And stop living lives that get no satisfaction
It’s like we’re all stuck in a fatal urban attraction
Chasing dreams that seem to never be
And even those living their dreams are never happy
So what can we do? What can we be?
I’m hoping to learn then I’m hoping to teach
Hoping to be a decent human being
I place my hope in belief
Stop rushing; take a second outta the day
To just reflect and to hear what I say
Then if that can happen then I guess you’ll obey
And then what I aimed to do was to improve you with what I make


stop..............switch it up one time


20 years: a ticket to another transformation
Unfamiliar physical and mental formations
Higher expectations results to dissolve relations
and the same with anticipations; evolve to frustrations
Time to test what you’ve gained durin’ your days of your youth
Always getting’ wiser, as a result I amaze with the truth
Years are shorter; add the fact we never know when we die
I could perish tomorrow and I could go in a spry
Everyday it occurs; the unfortunate losin’ their hopes
Lives cut short; worthless and they’re not choosin’ to cope
Never had enough opportunies to pursue their ideals
Took life for granted like a game and never knew that it’s real
There’s just not enough time to reach for perfection
Do we have to use an entire life to locate corrections?
I just wish it’d slow down
Do we have to conform to follow that fuckin’ direction?
Wastin’ our entire lives to be flowin’ the checks in
I wanna be flowin’ my rhymes and be as smart as I can
for personal benefits so I can stand to be who I am
but the school years fly by so fast so how I can I stand?

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=218451
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=217724

ill say it was good if u show me some nude pics.

^^lol
i dont do da WHOLE bribe thing just for responses lol.........try again later.....newayz uppin

wow..... umm..... i love u.... nah, seriously, this is really good.... most ppl on here will tell u that this is more of a topical piece, but i think this can be classified as poetry.... i'm feelin that it flows, but u didn't let it control how u wrote it.... it's like.... like ur racing.... lol, it's kinda hard to explain, but i'm feelin how the flow connects with the concept...... this is really good..... if u ever have a local poetry slam, u should drop this piece on em.....

__________________


"I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..."
-Konchance

my poetry:
untitled

The direction and content itself wasnt bad... But you're structure and approach was alittle blah at times. Overall it was a pretty simple piece which is fine, but not when it teters into the relm of foolish. How it started with 'Stop stop stop'... It made it sound more like a childrens song the way it repeated. The other thing I really didnt like was the 'Switch up' line in the middle of the poem to show the changing of times. You have potential to be a good writer its just right now you're writing very childishly. I never really get and intellectual vibe from reading your pieces and it makes you look bad. To help that, try and use some vocabulary and thought provoking lines. I mean, you dont even really need vocab... You could sound like a genius is you put the basic into propper form. So I mean, either elevate your vocab or think of creative and intellectual ways to arrange your material.

(PS, I'll write you a poem if I can get a pic )

thanx chip

no doubt atticus thanx fo da feed

lol nooooooooooooooooooooo way look in da member mugshots hehe i dont pay ne special attention to ne1..........oh 'cept gduece lol

... I'll write you a poem and make you tingle and then you'll love me

lol real funny Atticus; iight lets c da poem oh n if u give me a pic n then WE WILL c