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Old 02-18-03, 09:44 AM   #1
AJay
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Post Change of Tide

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for some reason, your words get to me/
an i wish i could be, some-one whos life aint so empty/
cuz when im lying in bed/
everything you've said, starts to run through my head/
I've only got my pride/
the rest of me's died, lifes a bumpy ride/
feels like I'm on a skid/
cuz of all the stuff u did, when u acting like a kid/
I fuken hate u/
makin my life look blue, am gona see this shit through/
your just contemptible/
for makin others miserable, but ur disposable/
one day some-one's gota do it/
I'll be sayin "I knew it", "Fuck you" and "Screw it"/
all these people in ur past/
the ones you've harassed are gona come back and you wont last/
you couldn't contemplate/
all the god-damn-hate, but its too late/
to whipe ur slate clean/
for doin your routine, of being so obscene/
you thought it was fun/
but now u start to run, when it's me holdin the gun/
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Old 02-18-03, 09:54 AM   #2
SpiTz
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it was ok

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It was ok....you need work though....to me it seemed like you were searchin' for words to rhyme...i hate to say it cause i don't really do it either, but try to make your vocab more vast....but it had a decent flow.....a little choppy cause of the words you choose.....but good drop
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Old 02-18-03, 09:59 AM   #3
Narcicyst
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it was n ight rhyme...not feelin it too much but i liked the topic...needs more complexity...try puttin some metas in there as well..anyways keeps droppin..one
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Old 02-19-03, 12:38 PM   #4
BlUnT-MC
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I agree with spitz, you got descent skillz.. you do really need to work on vocab, throw in some more complex words once 'n' a while.. it'll go a long way in the long run.
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Old 02-19-03, 01:31 PM   #5
LaRyan Shabaz
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Not shabby. I may have had a moral dilemna with it.
But I think what showed me it was a good post was the fact that I was left wanting. It seemed like the flow was taking off, and then —drop—. So it's good that I wanted to see more, but you also lacked finality. And finish, but we're all working. Peace. Good luck with killing your former lover.
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Old 02-19-03, 01:39 PM   #6
Halo
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it was ok...nothin special...learn how to count bars
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